I have been happily married to my DH for 25 years and we have two young teens.
I have always accepted that DH is far less emotional than me and is not given to spontaneous displays of affection. But he is a kind and loving man, a great father and our sex life is better than ever.
But recently this isn?t enough for me anymore. I want more of an emotional connection and this is causing huge problems. He doesn?t have a problem hugging and kissing our children, he is able to be ?a shoulder? for his work colleagues and friends but seems unable to do the same for me. Its making me miserable and naggy. This morning a row kicked off because he is going out with his friends and didn?t think to check that I am able to cover his normal commitments on that evening ? he just assumed that I would be here as usual. I told him that it showed a lack of respect for me. He said that he didn?t tell me because he knew what reaction he would get. I honestly don?t mind him being out, just that he never considers me in the process. When I go out I always say that I am thinking of booking something and is that ok, will he be around for the DC?s or does he have anything planned on the same day. Am I wrong to expect the same courtesy from him? But I know that the row was simply a product of the way that I am feeling in general and not about him going out.
We have had lots of conversations recently about my emotional state! He knows that I am feeling a little emotionally neglected and am wanting some reassurance from him that things are, or will be, fine. But he just doesn?t get that a touch on the shoulder, a hug (without my having to ask), a kiss goodnight (without having to ask) would go a long way to making me feel better. It sounds ridiculous when I write it down but honestly, not having any physical contact unless I ask for it is really getting me down. And in addition we rarely talk about anything other than practical stuff these days which seems also to be creating distance between us.
Am I wrong to want this after being so accepting for a long time? Is it really fair of me to want him to come out of his comfort zone and show me he loves me when I have never pushed for this before? I almost feel that if he isn?t willing to make the effort to do something for no other reason than to help me feel better (even if its really hard for him) then he obviously cant love me very much.
We have a good life. We share everything in the home, he is domesticated and does plenty to help practically and our lives are pretty good really.
So why am I feeling so needy at the moment? And should I be working that out rather than expecting him to help me get back on track emotionally?