Sexual assault... I think?

[ruledbyheart]

May not be able to reply very quick as have a list as long as my arm of things to do today but I will try to come back as often as possible.

My DP and I have a rocky relationship at the moment mostly down to an unexpected pregnancy when I already have 3 DC under 6yrs old so maybe I am just being over sensitive but last night DP and I went to bed and in the middle of the night I woke up to him with his hand up my shorts leg rubbing me and trying to finger me, I freaked out and pushed him off and threatned to punch him, then I fell back to sleep.

This isn't the first time and he may well have been asleep whilst doing it but this morning I am very upset, I have no sex drive (who does at 35weeks pregnant?) And I feel like he has broken my trust.

I got the DC to school and DP was in a foul mood so I questioned why and he claims he didn't sleep all night, so I told him I hope he was asleep when he sexually assaulted me and he went mental at me getting angry that I could accuse him of doing that to me.

Now I'm upset and not talking to him, he has done this in the past but has always been truly upset when learning about it the following day but this time he is angry at me and I don't really know what to do.

He denies all knowledge saying he was awake all night.

I can't kick him out either as like I say I'm 35 weeks pregnant and the schools break up this week and I cannot cope on my own.

Just wish he can understand what he has done and why I am so upset over it.
I know the lack of sex is bothering him and I understand that as up until a few months ago we had a very healthy sex life but he also knows why I can't and he knows he can "sort himself out" if needed.

Hi ruledbyheart. This has violated your trust and looking at your other posts, it seems your DP is proving very hard work at the moment, to say the least. I'm not sure what advice to give, I'm sure others will be along soon. There was a thread about someone's partner assaulting them while they slept a while ago, I'll try to find it and link, as there was advice on there.

Well, it would certainly be assault if he was awake and continued when you indicated you weren't interested.

If he made a (sleepy?) advance and got knocked back. Well, you'll be annoyed at being 'pestered' and he'll be annoyed at being 'rejected'. Unfortunate but happens to all of us, form both perspectives, at one tie or another in any LTR. No two people are going to be in exactly the same 'mood' at all times over a lifetime.

The trick is to find what you do still like (and when you like it) doing that shows physical affection for him and for you to initiate that. He can take/leave it. But you will be making it clear to him that you haven't totally gone off him but that you do have preferences.

Good luck with the baby.

Eek - pregnancy typing... 'from' not 'form' and 'time' not 'tie'

I don't know where Panda's threadpost is but I did find One of the others.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1429023-Need-clarification-re-husband-and-I-was-asleep?pg=1

Here is another

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1153348-DP-had-sex-with-me-when-I-was-asleep-am-struggling

Problem is it wasn't just an advance he is quite forceful in his sleep and does take a lot to get him off me I have woken with him on top of me, its a bit like sleepwalking I guess.

I understand he isn't aware of it but his reaction this morning has really pissed me off and now I can't bare the thought of sharing a bed with him.

We still haven't spoken so don't know what to do.

If he was asleep, did he appear to wake up when you pushed him off & shouted?

If he wasn't asleep-why was he trying to have sex with someone who was?

If he is saying he was awake all night-is he accusing you of making it up??

I think it is possible to think you've been awake all night, when in fact you have had periods of broken sleep.

I don't really know anything about sleep walking/other behaviour, but could a sleep clinic help at all? I know a couple of colleagues have been, but that was for sleep apnoea, so I don't know if it's something that could be helped medically.

I think you do need to talk though, and I think the current weather isn't helping anyone stay calm when things get difficult.

Sweetheart Men that do this when they are asleep. Truely exspess and feel remorse when confronted.

(((((((((((((((((Soft Hugs))))))))))))))) OP

Read the threads I linked.

If he really does it in his sleep, he should be the first to suggest moving to the couch, or guest room.

If he does it awake, then you have a bigger problem.

In any case, get him out of your bed.