Ex being an arse - help

[Udyandteal44]

I am a regular and have name changed.

Ex P has always been an arse (well except in the beginning!), he was emotionally and verbally abusive during our relationship. He is also a pathological liar.

We have one DC together. When we split up, he didn't bother with DC for 6 months as apparently he was too upset about our split. We have always had an informal arrangement regarding access to DC and it generally worked well. This is the kicker - I have recently asked him for more maintenance, he has gone apeshit. He is self employed. I believe he should be giving me at least two and a half times what I was getting. I wrote him a note stating the facts and explaining I did not want to involve the CSA (and I really didn't). I gave him a week to get back to me with a reasonable offer. He did not so I contacted the CSA. He then said at next contact day that he had sent me a text offering me a bit more each month. I said I had not received the text (and this is the truth). He also said he had spoken to the CSA himself and they had advised him that he didn't owe what he had offered me (they said he owed me less than what he had offered). He also said he had been on full benefits until a year ago. I don't believe a word of it!

Since I asked the CSA to get involved he has gone no contact with our DC and has also stopped any money going into my account. DC is wondering "where is daddy". DC is 6. I have started to instigate formal access arrangements with a solicitor. Will this go to mediation? The previous access arrangements were one overnight a fortnight (his choice). When DC started school he promised me he would do one pick up from school a week. He then reneged on this. So DC was seeing him for approx 24 hours a fortnight (his choice). If it wasn't for the fact that DC loves him, I would tell him to do one.

Not sure really what I am asking. I feel so down about this. He has two other DC from a previous relationship and was a good dad to them (I saw it myself). I am devastated that he behaves like this with our DC. He is taking his anger with me out on DC and it is so unfair. Is he really of benefit to my DC's life? Thanks for reading the essay Vipers

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You can't make an application to the Court to force your ExP to have contact if he doesn't want it.

Unfortunately you cannot make him see dc, and if he doesn't want to see him then it wouldn't be desirable. In terms of the csa he would actually pay less if he had dc more frequently as they take overnights into account and reduce the maintenace accordingly.

I, like you, generally favour keeping communication open and never make threats to stop contact because contact is what dc wants. I'm sad for you and your dc that your ex is behaving this way.

Try mediation if he will attend, perhaps after a little distance he will have had time to think it through. If however he continues, there is little you can do other than support dc.

Sorry, I should have said, I don't want to force him to see DC. It breaks my heart that be behaves in this way when I know he has it in him to be a decent dad. He knows right from wrong (generally) and is loving towards his DC.

The CSA may well have told him to stop paying maintenance until they've sorted the amount owed, and just to save it up.
This is the advice a friend was given (which he ignored as it was utterly ridiculous when they can take 6 months to process an application).