is this an abusive relationship?

[icycoldfruit]

I have had to name change for this one, please note I will name change back again afterwards and so won't post again on this thread so I am not outed by asking these questions.
If a person has really low self esteem and thinks that they need to be punished for something that they have done and their husband agrees to punish them and does things that the person dislikes and finds upsetting and scary then are they in an abusive relationship? What if the person persuades their husband to do it when he says he doesn't want to?
What if the husband finds that he enjoys it and so the woman goes along with it because it means she is being punished for what she has done wrong?

[Mabelface]

What Fool said, and also that you were not a failure as a child, and you're not a failure now. Any failure is left firmly at your parents' door and they should have supported you, told you that you were wonderful, clever, beautiful and that you can do anything you put your mind to. Your parents aren't very nice people. You don't need any punishment, you need love and support and you DESERVE no less. Be kind to yourself, and it may be worth looking into some counselling to help you put your demons to bed.