Choochie,
You'd better go out tonight to see your friend before she emigrates!!. My guess is as well she knows what is going on and she is worried for you.
Re your comments:-
"I appreciate your time for posting on there, every word you have said is totally true and yes over the years he has become worse he refuses to talk about anything to do with my past, he doesn't like me talking about work or my friends or even my family
Am glad you have yourself admitted there is a serious problem here. These are all controlling behaviours. He has managed to isolate you further away from your family and friends.
"he doesn't let me go out with anyone to be honest apart from him, he doesn't physically stop me of course but he emotionally makes me feel so bad if I ever want to do anything without him and the children then he sees it as not being happy with our relationship"
Again all controlling behaviours, he has to seek help re his controllling issues but my guess here is that he cannot or just as likely will not. Such controlling issues are deeply seated. You cannot resolve them for him; only he can if he really wants to and with help. You have to accept as well he may not want to change so its back to you again.
"He has been very badly hurt in the past, his wife had an affair with work colleague"
That's an excuse for him because it does not address why he is so controlling. Affairs are symptomatic of problems in the relationship, not the cause. There were problems in their relationship for her to want to go off with another man. He may have been overtly controlling towards her then. Not saying what she did was right but ultimately she is free of him.
"and I have known this from the very start and I have always known he has a bad temper so maybe I should not have rushed so quickly into a relationship with him which I did".
Your mistake was getting so involved
with him given his history. Love is blind. Perhaps you thought you could change him for the better. However, as you have learnt to your cost you cannot act as someone's rescuer or saviour.
"I am going to go out with my friend, I am going to stand my ground and tell him if he doesn't like it then thats just tough, by reading these threads it has made me realise really that I am just making his behaviour worse by succumbing to his way of thinking, he's very good at making me feel guilty".
Hooray for you Choochie!!!. You had better follow this through not just for you but your children. I think you have learnt that just enabling it to continue only makes it worse. Your children are learning from all this, I ask again what are you teaching them by to date blindly accepting his control. Control is all about power, its another form of abuse. Am very certain that you do not want your children thinking that such behaviour along with the reactions to it are part of a normal, functional relationship.
"I went over the road for a few drinks with my other friend a couple of weeks ago and he could see exactly where I was but yet he still kept sending me text messages DEMANDING that I come home because he was having a rubbish night and wanted to spend time with me. He didn't speak to me for a full day after that either".
You were over the road and he still complains!!. If a friend of yours was telling you all this what would you say re his behaviour?.
"He makes out its because he wants to spend time with me and he likes my company but yes in fact it is controlling and I think I have just been brushing it under the carpet".
You want me to be honest with you again - yes you have brushed it under the carpet. He has also caused you untold emotional harm in that he has worn your self worth and esteem down to almost nothing.
My suggestion to you apart from reading the book I mentioned is to have counselling for your own self to rebuild your own self worth and esteem. I would also talk to Womens Aid.