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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I don't know what to do

11 replies

emotionalwreck123 · 14/07/2013 22:26

'D'H just smacked our eldest round the back of the head and sent her flying. Yes she had been naughty (her and her sister were messing around in their room instead of going to sleep and she hit her sister hard with a duplo giraffe) but i was dealing with it, i sent her to by the back door as its quiet with no distractions to settle her down. She is being investigated for ADHD and i wanted her to calm down before i spoke to her. She was running towards the back door when he smacked her and sent her face first on the floor. She is hard work and very trying but no child deserves to be sent flying like that ever. His reasoning was that it was acceptable as he was just doing to her what she had done to her sister.

I told him it wasn't acceptable and i wanted him to leave now, but he won't saying it isn't my house so i can't dictate. House is rented but rent free from his side of the family currently. I have told him that in that case i will be leaving with the DC in the morning. After hearing this he appologised to DD1 but hasn't spoken to me. This isn't the first time i have been uncomfortable with how he has chosen to discipline, but 90% of the time he is good and it is difficult for him because of my own disabilities which means he does a lot more than others would. But that's no excuse really is it.

It's just so messed up, the car with the DC's car seats is in the garage as the brakes have gone so i can't leave until it is fixed. The only place i can feasibly go to is my parents who won't let me take my dogs as they are allergic and my mum is what would be referred to on here as toxic anyway. Added to this we are supposed to be going on holiday tomorrow with his parents too and it has all been paid for.

I'm feeling very lost, confused and don't really know what to do for the best.

OP posts:
CunningAtBothEnds · 14/07/2013 22:28

If you wish him to leave call the police - he assaulted his daughter.

InTheRedCorner · 14/07/2013 22:29

How is you daughter, is she hurting?

He should be ashamed of himself and giving you space, can't he go to his parents tonight?

Flojobunny · 14/07/2013 22:31

You want him to leave based just on this? Surely there is more to it.
How old are DDs?

emotionalwreck123 · 14/07/2013 22:36

DD1 is fine and has calmed down enough to carry on the usual (for her) bedtime palava.

His parents live to far away to go to, he doesn't have any local friends even if he did he refuses to leave.

Is it bad enough to call the police? I feel like i just don't know anymore. I read threads on here and i think how can people not realise this is bad and it always seamed so clear cut yet when you're in the middle of it everything seems so confusing.

OP posts:
emotionalwreck123 · 14/07/2013 22:38

DD1 is 5
DD2 is 3

I at least wanted him away from us for a bit so i could think things through and he could think things through. I think sending a 5 year old flying when i have previously been uncomfortable with the 'force' he has used to discipline them before warrants some space and thinking time yes.

OP posts:
Flojobunny · 14/07/2013 22:42

Ah so he has form. He is possibly scared if he goes he might never come back and thinks its best to stay and work it out? Or he just doesn't care? Either way its not really his call is it. Surely he is climbing the walls with guilt by now? I would be hysterical by this point I think.

emotionalwreck123 · 14/07/2013 22:48

he is sat on his computer in the other room. I think he is feeling guilty but doesn't want to lose face and admit he did a shitty thing that was wrong so is holing himself up. Doesn't make it better though. He is probably hoping that if he just doesnt talk about it then it will all just blow over and everything will be ok, but it wont be will it.

OP posts:
DHtotalnob · 14/07/2013 22:52

5? Fuck me.

CunningAtBothEnds · 14/07/2013 22:53

If a stranger did it you would call the police.. The fact her dad did it knowing her issues makes it worse not better.

InTheRedCorner · 14/07/2013 22:54

Not good enough is it. We have a 5 yr old and her reaction to something like this happening would to still be hysterical now.

Does it worry you she may see this as normal and acceptable.

101 would be able to advise you if you need him to leave tonight.

DHtotalnob · 14/07/2013 23:13

Absolutely agree with cunning and inthered.

If someone else had done that what would you do?

And the eye-for-an-eye argument? He's a fucking adult

You can remove them from this environment or can stay and protect them from some of it. Which would they thank you for?

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