is there ever an excuse for pushing your wife when she ia holding your newborn...

[s0fedup]

Just that really
huge row, pushing, shoving, hands round my throat, i threw the babies bottle at him which has cut his nose then the final push backwards onto the bed

[MissStrawberry]

Please don't tell your child not to tell anyone what Daddy did to Mummy. That would be siding with your partner at the expense of our children.

[TondelayoSchwarzkopf]

You are minimalising and normalising his behaviour. You are raising children to believe that violence is an acceptable way to act in a relationship - that is if they are lucky enough to make it to adulthood with a father who considers it normal Sunday afternoon behaviour to throttle their mother while she is carrying one of them.

The only way for your family (you, DCs) to survive is to get this man out of your home.

[JakeBullet]

OP, the fact that he has put his hands round your throat is the big issue in what you have described. Research has shown that abusers who do this are MUCH more likely to kill.

You are not safe
Your children are not safe
Your baby is definitely not safe.

Get out or get him out.

Contact Women's Aid TODAY, they will help you.

As a midwife and also a HV I would be very very concerned about your safety....and even more concerned about the safety of your children in all this.

[Fairenuff]

It all seems dramatic, god i have read the most horrific posts on this board and mine is just a heated argument

Really? What horrific posts have you read that are any different to yours?

[RoooneyMara]

OP,

when the police are called out to a domestic event like this, or taking details of a domestic assault, they always ask if the man has put his hands around your neck, or tried to strangle or smother you.

These are serious red flags and they indicate an increased risk to the victim.

Please get out of this relationship in any way you are able to and at whatever cost. Your life IS in danger.

[RoooneyMara]

x posts with Jake.

[JakeBullet]

Rooney is right, the police would assess this as a "high risk" domestic assault. Please please take steps to keep yourself and your children safe OP. look after yourself x

[captainmummy]

He pushed you OP with a newborn in your arms. What if you had fallen ON your newborn? Would you still be minimising?

You want you family to continue - what does he want? He says he doesn't love you - I'd listen to him, if i were you!

[IAmNotAMindReader]

If he acted like that at work every time someone disagreed with him or he got stressed he would have been sacked a long time ago. This means he can control his actions but chooses not to with you. He assaulted you so if he loses his job that's his problem and tbh not many actually do lose their jobs so don't let it stop you.

Unfortunately you have to inform the police here. If your DS1 says something to his teachers in school then you would be judged just as harshly as your DH for failing to protect them. Do not make light of it to him, that would be teaching him its ok to do that to someone.

He will not see it is unacceptable because he thinks you are the one who is out of line and that justifies his actions. Anyone who can put their hand around their wife's throat whilst they hold their newborn and then push them over has a blatant disregard for both their safety.

[ouryve]

Unless it's away from a fire or oncoming truck, NO.

Leave.

[IAmNotAMindReader]

Let me just clarify my statement about your DS I am not saying this is the only reason you should report it, but think about what it means for his care as well as your newborns and your own if you don't.

Please don't minimise this it is as bad as it seems, in fact worse as you want to downplay things.

Would you accept this behaviour from a stranger on the street?

[Vivacia]

What MissStrawberry please don't let the earlier post make you think you should tell your son to not talk about this. He needs to know that he doesn't keep secrets from trusted adults such as his teacher.

[OxfordBags]

You are minimising to a terrifying extent, OP. If the police were called, before you have them any details, they would ask if A) he had put his hands round your neck and B) if he had hit you whilst you were holding your baby. This is because these are the worst red flags, the ones that tell them they are dealing with men with the potential to kill, and that they are dealing with me who can't be helped, can't stopped. Men who will only get worse and worse in the abuse they inflict.

Your OH has done 2 of the scariest and biggest red flags known to people specialised in dealing with domestic abuse. You cannot take this lightly and call it a heated argument. If your son told a teacher tomorrow, Social Services would be called, and rightly so. Women who refuse to kick out abusers get their children taken off them - again, rightly so. Even if the abuser never so much as scolds the children, seeing their mother be abused is so damaging for children that the law of this country demands they are removed from the situation - yet again, rightly so.

No normal, decent man would even consider hurting his partner, much less when she is holding their baby. That is the action of someone incapable of understanding or caring that other people are fully human too. He will never see it as acceptable or wrong, because if he thought it was, it wouldn't have happened.

[puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE]

You are minimizing my love, violence is violence at the end of the day

[MissStrawberry]

Vivicia - not sure if you are agreeing with me or not. Seems like there could be a word missing from your post.

[Vivacia]

Argh! Sorry, yes I meant to write "What MissStrawberry said". I was agreeing with the same thing you picked up on.

[Lweji]

You can tell him to leave or you'll call the police.

That was the choice I gave my exH. I called the police.

If he loses his job it's not your responsibility.

He could seriously hurt you or your baby.

[Lweji]

And he doesn't love you.

Not at all.

Nor his children.

[s0fedup]

He is going by the end of the week
I should have realised this was coming, we have not been right for ages (news to me)
Ever since I "got my way" and fell pregnant with the baby he has resented me.
He thinks i fell.on purpose when i knew he didnt want any more (i didnt)

I am not in fear of my or the dc safety
I cannot comprehend whats happening, yesterday were waiting ro move into our new house in 2 weeks, now he has called and left a mesaage with solicitors saying we are pulling out

What the fuck is going on, I feel like i am dreaming

[MissStrawberry]

Nightmare more like but your new dream like life will start once he fucks off.

He could have used a condom, you know!

[SquidgyMummy]

i'm sorry you are going through this OP, but he is doing you a favour.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

You feel like you're dreaming because you're in shock. The assault, the end of the marriage, him leaving, ... it's all extremely traumatic both emotionally and physically. I'm appalled at what has happened to you. I'm sorry that your self esteem is so low that you had to ask if it was OK to be throttled by this man. I'm desperately sad that you'd rather protect your attacker than report him to the police.

Please get plenty of RL support from friends and family because you're going to need it. And do remember that, should you ever change your mind, you can still talk to the police or call Womens Aid.

[HaveIGotPoosForYou]

You may not fear for your safety or your children's/babies but I know everyone else here is.

If he resents the baby being born what's to say he wasn't being deliberately aggressive to hurt you and the baby? After all to him that eleviate the problem, no?

I would really leave. He is violent and no, that's never OK not in any situation whatsoever. If he tells you otherwise, that's because he wants you to believe that it's your fault and he had a good reason. No man worth anything would lay a hand on a woman.

Shout? Sure.
Walk out the door slamming it? Perhaps.
But never hit her.

Seriously, take your kids and go.
Or make him go.
Also report him because if he does end up in another relationship and he is violent to her (which he will be, because these types don't just stop) then his behaviour will already be on record. This will especially help if like you, the other woman thinks it's a one off and he'd never hurt someone else and he didn't even mean to hurt you.

I am sorry about what you are going through though, OP.

[s0fedup]

I am completly overwhelmed with the support on here, thanku so much

It must be bad if the big guns are posting (cog) now all i need is AF and i know im in trouble - hollow laugh...

[foolonthehill]

...you are in trouble...but you can get yourself out of it! I am sure AF will be along presently

By the way...whenever anyone says that they can't get the police involved because their DP would lose their job I think...well they SHOULD lose their job then. Because it implies that they really really NEED to act better and that they probably can act better. No matter whether he's police, forces, doctor, solicitor, teacher...whatever. No person gets to act violently with impunity. Either he is choosing to act like this because he feels entitled to, in which case he should face the very real consequences....or he can't help himself in which case other vulnerable people need to be protected as well as you and your DC.

It is a hard thing to face up to, and you will really really be better than fine without him.

take care OP I wish you every blessing for a future free of fear and violence.