is there ever an excuse for pushing your wife when she ia holding your newborn...

[s0fedup]

Just that really
huge row, pushing, shoving, hands round my throat, i threw the babies bottle at him which has cut his nose then the final push backwards onto the bed

[MissStrawberry]

So why are you posting? This is so depressing. Woman posts her partner has been violent but each subsequent post is defending or justifying why he has snapped and saying why they can't leave.

Maybe one can forgive one violent episode and rebuild but a second? Or one where a baby is in danger? No way.

[s0fedup]

Sorry, i didnt see all the replies
I am an idiot
I do love him, ans I know he lovea me he says the most vile hurtful things in rows, always has done.

Cant some people just have a really bad temper... could he not have some anger councelling?

[Nanny0gg]

I know I sound like an idiot, but its not all the time

Oh. That's all right then.

No it's not!! If he behaves like this every time something goes wrong, how is he going to be around your children as they grow up? Is this what you want them to see? And suffer?

Get him out.

[Fairenuff]

Well it's not about what you want anymore, you have a child to protect. You have to chose. Him or your baby. Which is it?

[Nanny0gg]

Cant some people just have a really bad temper... could he not have some anger councelling?
Yes he could have a bad temper. He could also control it.
Yes, he could have some counselling. But you still need to get away from him first.

[OxfordBags]

There is only one way to stop him saying and doing the horrible things, and that's to leave him. If he had any intention of not doing those things, he would never do them in the first place. This man is abusing him, and by staying, you teach him that he can get away with it. Furthermore, you are teaching your children to be future abusers and victims. A man who would attack any woman holding a child, much less his own wife holding his own newborn, is dangerous, unhinged and needs to be kept away from you all. He needs punishment and some sort of treatment,because that is simply abnormal. Even very violent abusers restrain themselves from hurting their partners if they are holding their baby. He has no respect for you or your baby, you are merely objects that hinder him.

I don't know why I'm even writing this, as you are clearly not going to leave him. You are minimising, blaming yourself and romanticising a potential set of behaviours that are not going to happen.

[s0fedup]

I want him to see its not accaptable, to appolgise and mean it.
I want our family to stay together

[scoutfinch1]

Being violent once is not ok. If it happens more than once it will not stop and will escalate. If he attacks you whilst you are holding a newborn and in front of you son he has no self control. It doesn't matter how infrequent it is it keeps happening. I don't mean to scare you but I think you need it, if he has no self control when he gets angry it doesn't matter how often it happens because it only takes once for him to seriously hurt you or your children! Hands round your throat is really worrying. Please listen to the people on this thread.

[s0fedup]

I really have no where to go,

[PeanutPatty]

Women's refuge?

[TondelayoSchwarzkopf]

What Fairenuff said. Even if you want to stay, you have a duty of care for your children.

They don't deserve to be brought up in a violent, angry and aggressive household.

Even IF they survive it (and there's no guarantee that they will - please read the newspapers every day about the men who murder their children because they were angry with their wives), it will damage them for life.

I know. I know people who cannot get through the day without counselling and anti-depressants because they grew up in violent households.

Sorry to be harsh, but it is not about you any more. I am glad you have told your friends and hope they will support you to do the right thing.

[Fairenuff]

I want him to see its not accaptable, to appolgise and mean it.

You can want all you like but that's not going to happen. Protect your child. Tell him to leave and end this violent relationship for good.

[Xales]

Your DC are being damaged by his 'bad temper' witnessing what he does to you.

What happens when he loses his temper with one of them?

It is very sad that you are worried about him pushing you and almost as an aside mention that he put his hands round your throat.

Yes he could have anger counselling.

He isn't going to because he is already minimising and saying it is your fault, you are a drama queen and throw yourself on the floor. For a violent abuser to change they have to acknowledge what they are first.

He isn't.

[Portofino]

Any man who attacks a woman holding a new born baby needs stringing up IMHO. Not the type to see reason or go for counselling. Call the police, and women's aid.

[TondelayoSchwarzkopf]

Women's Aid: 0808 2000 247

[scoutfinch1]

OP- even if you do want to look at the counseling option then you need for you and your children to not be in the same house as him.

Leaving a violent partner is not easy no matter what some people might think. I understand it is not simple and you want to keep your family together. However, you need to get out at the moment and get help for you all. This will not ever just fix itself. The only way to move forward at all is to make a change TODAY and leave him or get him out of the house and seek some help.

[scoutfinch1]

If you have no where to go you can go to your family, it is July the DC school really doesn't matter. If not call Women's Aid and go to a refuge.

[s0fedup]

It all seems dramatic, god i have read the most horrific posts on this board and mine is just a heated argument, or maybe I am minamising...

It happens rarely, so it seems silly to make such a fuss...

[MissStrawberry]

Yes, you are minimising just as I said earlier.

Listen to what people are saying.

You have been assaulted. Your child is living in an abusive house.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

Your DS1 saw the violence inflicted on you. What if he tells his teacher tomorrow?.

That should itself be enough to get the hell away from this man.

Having a stressful job is no justification whatsoever for the violence done towards you; there is never any justification or excuse for violence within the home. You have a choice re this man, your children do not and they have already seen and heard way too much already.

So what if he loses his job?. That is not your problem.

The only acceptable level of violence within a relationship is NONE, that's right, NONE.

Staying gives him a licence to continue the violence. He will not apologise nor accept any responsibility for his actions. Thinking that he will do so is a direct route to madness. He could end up putting you in hospital or a morgue.

[tribpot]

You want him to take it seriously but you want your family to stay together. These are (currently) opposing aims. You can stay together but without any effort on his part to address his 'stress-induced' bad temper, you are damaging your children.

Your choice - but they won't thank you for it in the end. As to what you say to your son - you say 'violence is not acceptable, and that is why it is better if your dad and I live separately'.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

Anger management is of no use whatsoever to violent men and that can actually teach them techniques to use further against their victim. He can control his anger, he just chooses instead to take that out on you, you are his physical and emotional punchbag. He likely as well saw violence within the home as a child.

Abuse is about power and control; your H does not hit other people because he knows he will be arrested. He also hits you because he can, he knows that you love him and won't have the guts or courage to leave him. The power and control balance within this dysfunctional relationship is well in his favour.

You are not powerless and you can leave. You need to take the first often the most hardest of steps to do so because your children are being brought up within an abusive household.

[GobbySadcase]

If your DS1 says anything at school tomorrow you'll be dealing with Children's Services.

1. For failure to protect DD
2. For failure to protect DS1

If they are involved its likely you'll be given a choice - him or the kids.

[Secretswitch]

S0fedup..A HEATED ARGUEMENT DOES NOT INVOLVE STRANGULATION! I don't know how to put it any plainer. This man attacked you with your newborn in your arms. He may well kill you or one of your children next.
I am sorry this happened to you. I also need to step away from this thread as it is clear you are not going to leave. Prayers for your safety xx