OH affair and special female friends

[debtherat]

6 months post affair - OH fell in love work colleague- and still working through fall out with support from relate, wise women. What I am now trying to deal with is my OH's special female friends basically coffee and lunch meet-up friends - in his diaries over a number of years but never mentioned to me by event or name i.e I had lunch with Sarah today. He says they were meet-ups to talk about work, offer support but I know that one of these included seeking emotional support for him when affair ended and was dealing with bonkers unreasonableness wife!!! The interesting thing is certain female friends were never mentioned including the last one who maybe gave the extra he was hoping for from the other 3/4?? He says not the same and such friendships are normal and he wants to continue with via text, email, drinks but I don't and wouldn't have such friendships with men so any attached/unattached women on here with similar friendships with attached men can offer honest insight? Or am I just a cynical bitch for thinking it's emotional cheating, ego boosting, wank fodder????

I don't think that a man who has had had an affair, should have "special" female friends. There needs to be total honesty between you.

I get that you don't want to throw away 25 years and your family etc, but your H has already done that hasn't he.

My XH had a "special" friend - they were just "supporting each other emotionally", by way of thousands of texts and emails. She is married to his best friend. She hid the contact from her H and my XH hid it from me, deleted everything and went to great lengths to ensure I never found anything. He became obsessed with her and still is. She is still with her H, twisting my XH around her little finger. Some women are like that, they need the attention.

A cheater becomes very selfish and puts their obsession with contact before their family. Nobody is saying he cant have friends, but you and your DC need to come before anything and anybody else. It doesn't sound like he wants that commitment, while he has women messaging him asking if he is "still up for messing about"