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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Not sure whats best to do?

6 replies

LittleMissFun · 13/07/2013 22:14

Hi. I'm new to Mumsnet. So to start with 'hello!'
I'm in a bit of a pickle. I've been with my partner for near on 8 years. I've come to the desicion that the relationship has come to the end of the road, for many a reason. I feel that i have worked hard within the relationship and i appreciate i'm not perfect, but its just not working anymore (i don't live with him now, i moved out last year after living together for 5 years - to give us space to work on the relationship).
My predicament is that i agreed a few weeks back that i will go on holiday with my OH. He wanted to go away for a week whilst my boys are at their dads and i said i'd agree to 5 days. He wasn't happy but accepted it. Trouble is, i should have said there and then that i don't want to go, as i really didn't, but i said i would to keep him happy as he would have been hurt had i said no.
Anyway, i realise this was not the best thing to had said to him knowing that i was thinking about ending the relationship, but i just haven't been sure i want to end it until now.
I've been having counselling and talking about the relationship, and looking at it as a whole (he refused to come with me to any counselling saying we're fine, but if you feel you need to go then go).
So now i want to end this sooner rather than later as i don't wish to prolong the hurt for either of us. Prob is i don't know if hes booked the hol or not. If i ask him he will want to know why. Now i could tell him why, but i don't wish to do it over the phone or within the vacinity of his or my children (we both have our kids this weekend). The only other nearby opportunity i have will be tuesday next week.
But then what if hes already booked the holiday? Then i'm stuck, unless i end it and we still go but as friends (awkward). So in a muddle really and not sure what to do for the best? x

OP posts:
UnrequitedSkink · 13/07/2013 22:17

Can't you just pick up the phone and tell him? Sooner you do it the less chance he'll have to book something.

kalidanger · 13/07/2013 22:25

I think you should tell him you don't want to go asap.

Are you worried about his reaction in front of the DC? Aside from it being generally awkward?

LittleMissFun · 13/07/2013 23:06

I so know i need to say something asap, its driving me mad, and i'm not sleeping coz of it all. I know it all sounds so silly. Sorry. His reaction is to manipiulate and guilt trip, i know how he works it now so i'm aware of it, i just got to be strong enough to stand up to it. He'll also shed buckets of tears and may possibly get angry (understandable i know). I don't want this anymore, i'm so unhappy...

OP posts:
kalidanger · 13/07/2013 23:55

Sounds like its definitely best to do it on the phone so you can't be manipulated by him and his tears.

Don't be unhappy. Take control of your life. You've made the decision to end it, and that's absolutely your right. You can do this, it's OK. It doesn't make you evil.

BOF · 14/07/2013 00:06

Are you a woman or a wabbit? Just break it off. The worst case scenario is that you'll owe him some money.

Sparklysilversequins · 14/07/2013 00:16

Text him.

It seems that's how it's done these days, well it was to ME anyway! BITTER

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