What do I do about my mil?

[mytimewillcome]

I have posted about her before and the fact that she says things and then denies saying them. Well before my dh sided with her but he has now realised that she does lie about things she says. We have just had a 1 week holiday and all the ils and me and her had an almighty bust up about her lying and they have now accused my dh of lying. Some of my 'accusations' are based on things he has told me about things she has said about me.

How can I stop this woman? She is destroying us.

You won't 'stop' her lying if that's her default setting. But you can pull her up on the lies, assuming they are important or harmful in some way rather than merely irritating. Certainly don't go for a week's holiday with the woman again ... that sounded like a disaster waiting to happen and I can't for the life of me see why you agreed to that.

A few things I suggest you change, therefore. The first is simply to spend less time with them. The second is to take everything she says with a whopping great pinch of salt... don't rely on her for anything and regard everything with suspicion.

Finally, would also suggest that DH should stand up to her and squash it if she says something offensive about you, and try not to bring back the bad news and upset you with it. This bit.... things he has told me about things she has said about me... sounds a lot like shit-stirring rather than anything more constructive.

Hi Cognito.
This is the first and only time I will ever go on holiday with them. It was a big birthday for fil. I tried very hard not to go and up until a few days before I still wasn't going. I want to see them just a few times a year but our children are their only grandchildren and they are still very young so I refuse to let them go without me.

Dh tells her stuff that I have said and then she brings it up in arguments so it is shit stirring basically. I have told him not to tell her things that I have said as I am telling him not her but I think now that they are accusing him of lying he is going to back me more. He stood up for me for the first time on this holiday.

Thanks for the good advice.

And the denial she made on holiday was when I was trying not to engage with her in any way so when she started speaking to me I got up and walked away and my dh said that she muttered 'stupid cow' under her breath but of course she denied it other things saying my children dont need me (a joke of course) just adds to the list of things she denies. So is that mildly irritating?