Don't know what to think

[Ohmydarlin]

DH got home at 8.30pm the other night and almost immediately two texts came through from a female colleague. He saw these texts, put his phone in his pocket and went upstairs. I checked his phone and only one text was there - he had deleted the other (and probably others). I have challenged him and he insists nothing is going on. He said he often deletes texts etc etc. eventually he admitted that he deleted the texts so that I wouldn't get the wrong idea. Am I right to be suspicious because he's making me feel like I'm being unreasonable? My first husband cheated on me so worry that I'm overreacting.

You're not wrong to be suspicious, no. Is anything else going in wrt his phone behaviour etc?

To be honest I've not noticed him being strange with his phone. He works away a lot so don't really see him using it. It just seemed odd that a colleague would send two texts at 8.30pm and that he would delete these. I don't regularly check his phone even though he maintains that it's there if I want to - but if he's deleting texts I'm not going to find anything anyway. We are going through a bit if a rough patch - in a nutshell DH has 'anger issues' and has been to the doctors who gave him some websites to look at. Things have improved but I sense that its taking a real effort from DH to stay calm. To clarify, he doesn't hurt myself or the children - he just shouts and swears a lot. As a result I've not felt like being intimate with him for a while.

So you're married to an angry, verbally abusive bully who would rather be secretive, make you feel unreasonable and accuse you of being the sort of person that would 'get the wrong idea', than be open, honest & reassure you that he's trustworthy and above board?.... I don't think anyone in their right mind would want to be intimate with that.

I'd be amazed if looking at a website results in him staying calmer long-term. Regardless, I don't think he's taking you seriously at all.

Agree with Cog obviously. This text business is a drop in the ocean of his awful behaviour. Shouting and swearing is hurting you and the children, isn't it? Is he angry with colleagues? Or does he just bully his family?

Have you thought about what you'd like to happen? Are you confident it will?

So what are you getting out of this relationship OP?