I need a relationship but I am not sure who with

[dontknowwhoifancy]

I'm a transwoman in my early 30s. I've never really had a proper relationship. I've been on treatment for several years. The main issues is this. I want a relationship but my brain is not telling me if it's with a male or a female. It never has. I've always felt more comfortable around women but never really been attracted to females sexually.

TBH, I don't really know what a physical attraction feels like. I could not imagine (at the moment) living with a man but I could easily imagine having sex with one. But I would prefer sharing a life with a woman. I think my hatred of being born as a male has really affected me.

It's so confusing. I just wish my brain would give me some sort of sign. I'd just like to know if this feeling is unusual - to want sex with one gender but to be more comfortable with another.

Disclaimer - it's all very well saying I'd like sex with a bloke but I think based on how I "pass", that's not going to happen. But who knows?

I think most of us are somewhere along a scale of being attracted to men and women - for some, it's very finely balanced and for others it's weighted more one way or the other. Maybe the key isn't to think in abstract terms about whether you fancy men or women as a class, but wait til you find a person, of whichever sex, that you feel attracted to.

I think it's very common for people to have sexual partners of one sex and most of their friends from the other. I've found living with female friends far easier than with male partners, but it's a very different relationship. There's no rule that says you have to live with the person you have sex with. You might find you're happier living with family or friends or on your own, whatever works for you.

I'm assuming you've had counselling as part of your treatment - is this something you could talk through with your support team?

I would suggest being open to discovery and experimentation (in a safe manner obviously) to help you decide what you most enjoy and are comfortable with. You've not had much experience, that's ok. Enjoy this period in your life of singledom and enjoy dating. Take the time to choose a life partner. You make your own rules and you should feel empowered to do so. Good luck!

Sexuality is not necessarily an either or situation. I think you just to meet people and be happy with you. When the right person (or people) come along it will all fit into place.

Right now you are heaping a whole load of pressure on yourself.