Lost all respect for my DM

[Mhysa]

Long story, but Iam fed up with her thinking she can say what she likes to me.

The last straw was her bringing my late DF (her exp, less than a year since since he passed) into an argument about me moving away with my DC's.

I think I have forgiven and never mentioned horrid things she has said over my adult life, but this I felt was uncalled for and decided for the first time in my life to say something and stand up for myself only to be told that I'm twisting everything and always do

I love her as she did bring me up alone from the age 13 onwards, but I don't think i have ever been able to count on her the way other people seam to with there mums

I have tried compromising with her on the move, but when ever I need her, I can't count on her, she did babysit DD2, after DF died when I went to counselling, but had to put up with her moaning about doing it, so never went back. One of the most hurtful thing she has ever done was during me suffering with PND, I was sobbing (I had just tried to do something silly) and begged her for help, she got into a cab and left me all alone, suicidal, with 3 DCs, and her argument is that I should just 'bloody snap out of it' on the phone when I asked her about it

Sorry for the rant, but it's eating me up, I feel awful if I move (she has mentioned killing herself on two occasions re me moving) but I don't feel I want to be around her tbh.

Thanks for reading my ramblings

Bumping

I'm rubbish with advice but I do get exactly how you feel as I'm going through similar with my DM. I decided 6 months ago to cut all contact and its like a weight had been lifted.

Read the stately homes thread, there are lots of people with similarly disfunctional families.

Your mother sounds like a toxic, bullying, emotional leech. Move away!

What House said!!!

Your mum sounds like a bit of a nightmare op, mine has done similar stuff-threatened to kill herself / me, when at aged 9 I asked to meet my estranged father (and the rest, but that's another story). It is incredibly hurtful and manipulative. Everyone is responsible for their own happiness and you need to do what is right for you and your dc. So work out what that is, and do it

Why do these mothers think it is fine - absolutely fine - to bring up painful things in an argument?? I swear my M almost gleefully stores things up to throw back at me - things that will have nothing at all to do with what we were talking about.

(and, yes, when i get upset she then didn't mean that, or I'm twisting her words, or I'm just too sensitive.... "Oh I just can't talk about anything to you!"....is there a book somewhere they're all reading?)

I've disengaged somewhat - only speak to her once a month if that; it has made me far less anxious and wound up overall. Moving away sounds like a good option here!

Just forgive her and love her anyway
Some mums can be even worst but you would l stil
Love her

And forgive her

It propobly would come with the time
No matter what kind of decision you would make

Jademonkey, that's how I feel our relationship is going, he occasional phone call, but think in a way it will be far healthier for the both of us. She is the kind of woman who thinks you get what you deserve in life, so deal with it! But at the same time for as long as I can remember, she has told me what she expects of me and my brother when were grown up eg, our turn to look after her, but my brother is the golden child and she bends over backwards for him.

But I have tried three times in the past few days to reconnect with her and the last two (phone call and message) I have not received a response, I love her, but don't particularly like her

I think moving a respectable distance is probably a good thing in the circumstances. It's sad if she's not the kind of mother that you wanted but, that's life. Not 'getting what you deserve' but 'playing the cards we're dealt' to the best of our ability.

So carry on loving her but don't rely on her for anything. Be realistic about her personality rather than expecting any sudden changes of heart. Don't feel guilty for moving out the her web. Cultivate friends for moral support, babysitting and so on. Good luck