DP not bothered about not seeing me for 6 weeks

[CuttedUpPear]

DP has just had a great career break which will take him away (abroad) for a month in August. There will be at least two other months away in this new job before Christmas and it may be the way that his whole working life goes if he gets where he wants to.
I'm pleased for him for getting the opportunity because he's worked and waited long for this.

Yesterday I realised that I will also be working away for 2 weeks just before he goes - our dates overlap meaning that we won't see each other for 6 weeks. The month apart I was prepared for but this knocked me sideways a bit.

We live 50mins drive apart and both have DCs and sometimes demanding work schedules, so time together is not as much as I (and I think we) would like.

Last night I told him about the 6 weeks apart and asked him if he was bothered about it. He said he wasn't. Said he hadn't thought about it at all since he had heard about the job (a week). I was gutted. We argued and I left his place and went home and cried.

Am I over reacting? I think I was most upset at him backtracking in the argument, he kept insisting he hadn't said he wasn't bothered (yes he had) when just an apology would have been nice.

I think you've had quite a hard time in this thread TBH.

In a newish relationship I'd expect you to be at the stage where 6 weeks apart would be unbearable because you're in throes of passion, etc. I'd actually expect a longer established couple to weather that more easily.

If my new DP wasn't fussed about seeing me for 6 weeks at a time, I would consider the relationship as unlikely to go anywhere.

I'm with Dahlen, OP. I thought Friday night was anal sex night on Mumsnet, but maybe it's give someone a roasting night? You can call your partner/boyf/OH anything you like. A relationship where one person is indifferent about seeing the other for six weeks, and thinks nothing of saying so, is not a relationship you should continue to invest in. Sorry you are upset and that people have been so unkind.

I believe Op has been with her partner 5 years and she's seems to be aware her insecurities may be part of the reason. Op needs to speak to her other half about how she is feeling. I think it's unfair to say everyone has been unkind in their posts..

Well DP has turned up to see me tonight so is building some bridges (although he is knackered and heading straight for bath and bed).

I'm interested in both points of view expressed by posters here, they both have something to say to me. I'm not looking for people to come on and say that he will miss me although it's a nice sentiment to hear.

However those in the 'He's not your partner' camp can sling their hooks and go and be goady elsewhere, I can call him my paramour, my lover, my best friend, whatever I want. It's been done to death and it's not the issue I want to talk about.

Happy Friday evening all

For what it's worth whilst the comment was hurtful (and I would have reacted in the same way) what I have learnt about my partner is that he can be quite mater of fact about things - if it can't be avoided, what's the point in getting hung up on it - that's his attitude. He's crap at expressing himself sometimes and it comes across abrupt, cold and heartless but actually when the emotion's taken out he is just coming from a different perspective. Only you can determine whether he is really bad at expressing himself or actually an uncaring shit.

Oh shame OP - I would have been a bit sad as well. Of course he is your partner. My friend is engaged but doesn't live with her fiance as yet - they are partners - not boyfriend and girlfriend. Your living arrangements have nothing to do with your relationship status

Would they not refer to each other as fiancés in this set up?

Not to hijack OP, but I honestly thought "partner" was what people called each other when they lived together, but were not married. For the rest, I thought boyfriend was acceptable, even for 50 year olds. Mind you, I much prefer the term lover:) Maybe I should move into this century.

Daemon just leave it will you? Didn't you read my last post? Start another thread on the subject of relationship terminology if you care that much, I don't.

I'm not sure why 4 weeks is fine, but 6 weeks requires a different response?

You've indicated that you have insecurities, while he's more laid back. I think you were expecting him to be more like you in his response. Hopefully you've cleared the air with your discussions - shame they turned into an argument.

Melanie it's just that for me, I was prepared for the month apart then when I discovered it would be 6 weeks it felt way different. I talked to a friend last night whose DP is away for a month regularly for his work and she agreed, it can be a time of change.

There's an element of guilt in my mind because it is MY work taking me away for the first two weeks.

Have either of you had that length of time apart before? Maybe its the uncertainty of how each of you will find such a long time - you're sure it'll be difficult, maybe he cant tell how he'll feel until it actually happens.

CuttedUpPear, I was not addressing you, my comment was related to the post I quoted! I was responding to another poster. Perhaps you need to think more about how you react to little things, because you seem a little highly-strung, and a tad defensive about a very small issue. This could be at the root of your slightly over the top reaction to your partner,

Melanie no we haven't been apart that long before, three weeks is the longest in a few years now. We used to live in different countries when we started out.

I completely understand how you feel. Maybe in the early days of a relationship, six weeks apart sounds like forever, but now you are a more established couple, he doesn't mind so much. It could be an indication that your feelings are stronger than his or that he is just a really independent person. Only you really know what this is saying about your whole relationship.

Some people on this thread are unnecessarily stroppy btw.

Op why not just speak to him about how you feel and why the six weeks is different to four weeks. Is he aware that you feel a bit insecure? Maybe explain how his coming across as not bothered about the time apart made you feel. He may not realise how you are feeling and just assume you are fine. It's not about accusing him of not caring because he didnt express the same sentiment as you at the time but more about getting him to understand how it left you feeling. That way if he innocently doesn't understand what the big deal is, you give him an opportunity to understand. No one that loves and cares about someone would want them to feel insecure whilst they were apart for a bit.. Only you know what's right for you Op.

With regards as to whether his your partner, boyfriend, other half etc. You know what it really doesn't matter what other people think. Don't sweat it! You are what you and your other half think you are. End of!

Thanks

Some people on this thread are unnecessarily stroppy btw

Indeed. Particularly the OP, who is flying off the handle over innocuous, light-hearted comments.

< yawn