Struggling to trust after two cheating dh's...

[Thirdtry22]

I've had two marriages, both cheated. Been with my current dp for three and a half years. He's really flirty around women and I wind myself up with my imaginings about what he's up to when we're not together (we don't live together). Will I ever get over this or does it last forever?

Somethimes it can get even worst:-(

Dont think the worst I mean flirting

My friend had situations that they walk on the street met a friend of dp and she was totally ignored by "women"
It went so extreme that she woud call him and ask to come and chat when my friend and DC was standing and waiting on street

But it also can be inocent

This is not you 'struggling to trust'. You are with a man you can't trust because he's flirting with other women. No-one would trust this man. So tell him to stop flirting. If you've done that already and he carries on then don't waste a second more of your time with him. If you haven't told him it makes you unhappy and uncomfortable, do so.

Why do you think you have to tolerate being with a boyfriend that doesn't respect you?

What do you regard as flirting?

I think if you love and respect somebody you would never do anything to hurt that person

And is he really flirting or just friendly and because of your history you are seeing something that may not be there?

I only ask because I have known women who had seen things that aren't there simply because they have been cheated on in the past or because they don't like the fact their partner has female friends who were around before they were.

FallenNinja, I say flirting as he calls most (attractive) women he meets "honey" and "darling". He always comments on how other women are dressed (if provocative). I have no problem with him chatting to other women, it's just the flirting Im uncomfortable with, and yes, I've told him but he can't seem to help himself!

The history of being cheted on
Doesnt have to make you seing things

If you've told him and he carries on regardless then he doesn't respect your feelings. That's a pretty poor attitude from someone who is supposed to be close to you. What is the point of being with someone who makes you feel so on edge?

Well if you've told him you don't like it and he keeps on doing it that says a lot about the level of respect he has for you I think.

I have been cheated on several times and also have trust issues and I would not be able to be with someone whose eyes were all over other women. Would he like it if you constantly commented on other guys? Or eyed them up? Doubt it.

Ha ha ladies in relationships
Let 's start doing it
Just joking :-(

Good point, Cognito. I've just realised on reading your post that I do often feel "on edge". Having trouble deciding what's real and what's paronoia though (due to my last two hubbies cheating)?

NorthWitch and brokenk - maybe I should try it, see how he likes having a flirty partner? Revenge.com!!

A working definition of paranoia is an irrational and unreasonable fear of anything and everything. From the little you've described, I wouldn't trust this man as far as I could comfortably throw him.... and I've never even met him. I'm not paranoid and I would suggest that neither are you.

When you've experienced betrayal, you're bound to be sensitised to anything that could be interpreted as infidelity and yes, you might be overreacting as a result. But a loving partner, knowing your background and your feelings, would take steps to reassure you and build your trust... not lob some pathetic 'I can't help myself' excuse in and carry on chatting up all the women.

Of course, an unfaithful partner would be behaving exactly the same way. So your suspicions could be entirely justified.