How would you react if your DP...

[julezboo]

told you he didn't love you the same as he did at the beginning of the relationship???

I dont really know what to think, Im devastated because I thought we was happy, he thinks we are about to end?!!!

how long have you been together?

12 months just... the last 6 months have been hard, we have had 3mc's but i thought the brought us closer, he moved up to liverpool to be with me from south wales. He seems so unhappy, Im scared Im gonna be hurt again

Sorry to hear that Julezboo. I would be gutted if someone said that to me. But from an outsider's perspective I would say that relationships ebb and flow, and feelings of love ebb and flow. It's very normal and doesn't necessarily mean the end.

Do you think he's willing to work at making the relationship better?

He says he wants too bluejelly, but I dont know, he keeps saying all kinds of horrible things, i ended up crying most nights I have my little boy to think of.

Oh poor you going through all those miscarriages...
Must be so tough, on both of you.

I think lots of relationships hit a crisis point after about a year-- the initial passion wears off and things need some kind of realignment or readjustment as you both decide whether it will be a long term thing. Lots of people do get through this patch, though of course some don't.
It's a horrible cliche but 'if it's meant to be, it's meant to be'...

Oh how old is your son? Is your dp the father or from another relationship?

He is 4 BJ, I know hes picked up on the sadness through the mc's cos hes like a different boy, so I have been trying to get things back to normal for him being a happy mummy again, he is froma previous relationship, he doesnt see his dad though, his dad doesnt want to know :(

Oh that's sad. i split with my partner in Feb/March and really tried not to let it affect my dd ( from a different relationship) but it's hard isn't it?
Things back on track now I think, feel less sad and grumpy and I think dd is happier too.

Have you thought about having some time apart from dp, maybe going to stay wtih some friends or family with a while to give you both a breather

thanks BJ

We are meant to be travelling to letchworth on sat morning for one of his friends engagemnet parties, Ive never met these friends, so no loss to me whether i go or not. DP has been complaining he doesnt get time to himself, so I suggested he goes alone on saturday, in fact I insisted, told him it will give him time to think about what he wants to do.

He really really hates his job, he gets worried everynight, doesnt sleep and has promised me he will find a new one,cept this promise has gone on since January. He comes home from work in a horrible mood, Ive been very patient with him. Ive even tried looking for jobs for him. I know he can find one, he got 2 job offers in the first 2 weeks of living here. He's a clever man. He says he doesnt know why he keeps saying that it feels like we are going to finish.

Just last night he promised he would wake up in a better mood. Snapped at me lots this morning, i told him it feels like he isnt making the effort. His reply was "Ive made effort for people all my life I need to start standing up for myself" He did say sorry later on before he left for work, when he left I was crying, luckily ds was still asleep. I just dont know what i can do to help him anymore, he had a bit of a horrible upbringing, a nasty dad who beat him and his mother up, but hes never really spoke about it before, he says he feels angry about something but doesnt know what, ive suggested he speak to a councillor but nothing has happened yet, he hasnt even made an appt with a doc. I feel like Im workin at the relationship on my own...

Sorry Ive rambled

He sounds stressed and miserable and snappy-- a bit like my ex was... who had depression. His moodee improved massively by taking anti-depressants, however like your dp he also had a horrible upbringing and in the end I felt what ever I did I couldn't actually heal him or make him whole again ( does that make sense?)

Well anyway it sounds like a good move that he goes to the party alone. Can you plan some treats for you and your son whilst he is away? I know it's hard but try and focus on you and your son for a bit... do you have family around that could take the pressure off a bit and babysit so that you could go out and have fun with your friends too? SOunds like you need it!

Thankyou Blue Jelly

I had to go out this morning to take my brother home. DP has emailed me from work, saying he has cried since he left this morning, hes sorry for being a git and he doesnt want to lose me, Hes due home in an hour so i will see what happens, I dont want to thow it all away.

thankyoux x

Julezboo

The way he's being now - may be his way of saying "I want things to be different" rather than actually wanting things to end between you when it comes down to it. He says he's angry about something. Sounds like there is a lot of pressure on him or he puts a lot of pressure on himself. Because men generally don't chat / vent / talk it out like women they are more likely to say nothing then drop a bombshell out of what seems like nowhere to release the pressure. From your post I can see a lot of things that will have built up the pressure.mc's work, moving up North. He makes an interesting point about standing up for himself. Who wears the trousers in your relationship, in your view....

If I were you, I wouldn't do anything hasty or pressure him right now. Just give him the opportunity to talk about what he needs from you and what he wants for himself in life. ( This is really hard and you might think, hang on, it's 50:50 here but someone has to start. I know you need things from him too just as much but sounds like his head's not in a place to be able to give them to you just yet)

I've been there (or somewhere similar). DH out of nowhere in Jan said he didn't want to be married anymore, felt differently than he used to. Went to Relate (apparently they hear this all the time!), it was hell, he moved out and we worked on it. Came home 2 weeks ago and it's honestly better than it was before. Though I don't wear the trousers anymore!

Happy to share anything that will help you. Hang in there....

Could it be that he is testing you? Trying to get you to prove you love him still?

I had an unhappy childhood & remember (with shame) the times I told my dh that I didn't love him, just so he would tell me that he loved me. I know it sounds daft, but I needed that reassurance that I was loveable, still do sometimes & I would often cause a row just to get him to react.