How to leave my alcoholic partner

[Girlmk]

Hi,

I've been reading but not posting for a while, so here goes. Sorry - it's quite long.

I have been with my partner for almost 20 yrs. we have lived together for 15 yrs and have 2 teenage kids.

He has always been pretty dysfunctional, drinking, depressive, volitile moods, unable to hold down a job, etc. He has had four mental breakdowns in the time I have been with him and each time I have stood by him and ensured we continued to be able to keep a roof over our heads.

Now however things have got to a point where I cannot cope anymore. He lost his job 2 years ago and hasn't been in wrk since then. He spends all day not doing very much and spending all night drinking. To cap it all he got done for drink driving a few months ago.

He has promised me he will give up drinking (has for the last 10 yrs in fact - I think he could be viewed as a functional alcoholic until 2 years ago), but he hasn't. Lies constantly and I find booze hidden all over the house.

I have finally realised I need to leave him, but how can I? He has no job and no way to support himself. We jointly own our house (still have a mortgage) so I have no more rights to it than him. How can I get him to leave? I have a reasonable job, but not good enough to pay for two houses. I feel like I am trapped with him. I also worry about what will happen to him when/if we finally split. I still care for him, but can't live like this any longer.

You could try getting him to leave by asking/telling him in the first instance that you want a divorce and you'd rather he didn't make things more difficult than they have to be. Get some legal advice about the house and finances etc., and know where you stand. You'll probably have to split any marital assets with him (with which he can set up independently) but, beyond that, you're not actually responsible for him in the future any more than you were responsible for him in the past. No way do you have to provide two homes, for example. There is a welfare system, housing authorities, Citizens Advice... all kinds of help for people with no job. Perhaps, if you remove the crutch you've been providing, he'll finally have the motivation to get somewhere with his addictions?

Thanks CogitoErgo

We are not married - so in theory makes things easier, but I have asked him to leave and he refuses. I've offered to pay a months rent for him, so he can get benefits sorted out, but he till refuses. He is not physically violent and from what i have read it will be very difficult to even sell the house without his consent.

I've tried to reason with him, even suggested he can come back once(if) he stops drinking, but it's as if he is deaf. It dosen't help that every couple of weeks he manages to convince me he has turned a corner and has stopped drinking - only fr me to discover vodka bottles hidden all over the house!

He is also on quite serious medication for depression and anxiety. I feel bad that I can't support him any longer and also that I can't somehow force him to change.

Our poor kids - thy spend virtually all their time in their rooms to avoid our arguments and constant sniping.

It's not actually that difficult to force a house sale. Put it this way, it's a much easier task than thinking you can reason with a hardened alcoholic. Have you ever talked to Al-Anon? You're not responsible for him, you can't change him and you can't cure him.

Get good legal advice and give your children a decent future. He hasn't got one.

Will try and get some leal advice next week and take it from there.

Hello, I have to run and post but I left my alcoholic ex husband last year. I've never been happier. I will post later because I've got to go and get my son from nursery. Feel free to message me or post here if you have questions. Honestly, it has worked so well for us.