*warning* potentail triggers - dh

[whototurnto]

I've NC for this, mainly as I'm very worries this would out me.

My dh seems to have started coming out with very random lies that are getting more and more concerning.

Basically, he has always told me his mum beat him from the age of 7. There are a few versions of the reason it started, it was because he stole a pound coin or he got home late from school.
In his teenage years he tried to commit suicide by jumping off a wall, according to him, he claims to have broken most of his joints and his leg, his knees required surgery and his has pins in them. There are no scars on his knees and as this was over 16years ago, im thinking key hole surgery wasn't reallu around then.

He claims he got taken into care at 13. The people who fostered him don't exist, his teacher, who was his saving grace didn't work at the school he went to until 4 years after he left.

He claims his dad stabbed his mum when she was pg with twins... Him and his brother. According to him, his dad stabbed his brother in the head and that's the day he was born. His mother (ice had a few conversations with her before he decided he was not having contact again) has never mentioned this twin, has said that her first husband left her for an ow and has been honest that her eldest may not be her first husbands as she was having an affair herself and yet, she has never mentioned violence or anything.

He claims his sister was abusing him. From the age if 8 to when he left. He says the abuse was sexual but when he told his mum, his sister said it was him and that's why he ended up in care. I have issues with this. Surely the police would have investigated this? That's just one issue.

All the while he talks about this terrible childhood, he also mentions the fact that he went to this holiday park at 10 and tells me all about how him and his siblings used to play in the local park... He was supposedly locked in his room.

I really don't know what to do. If I confront him, it will be me seen as the evil nasty bitch who doesn't believe him.

Any suggestions as to what I could do. I was tempted to report it to the police but I'm petrified it will come back on me.

What would you be reporting to the police?

Apologies if I've missed it, but it seems that you just suspect that he is making things up that didn't happen, which isn't a criminal offence. It may well cause relationship troubles, but the police wouldn't be interested.

Do you mean report it to the police to trigger an investigation, at which point the truth of your DH's family background will come out?

If so, that's a complete waste of police resource.

If you want to report crimes that may have happened it the past then, practically, there's little point without your DH's co-operation.

You've obviously done some checking out already re the teacher etc. so if you want to find out about family things, then you'll need to speak to his family.

You won't be able to unlearn what you hear though. What will you do with the information you get? Whichever way it goes.

Why do you suspect him of making all this up?

Ahhh Cinnabar's post has just helped me understand, I think.

Well, you'd struggle to be taken seriously reporting crimes that did not happen to you and you did not witness and were nothing to do with.

I mean - I've had four rounds of spinal surgery and I don't have that many visible scars. Some have certainly healed fantastically.

But you've obviously looked into other parts of his story and they are not true. And some you just can't verify - I have both a dead sibling and abusive parents, but would not mention them to people I don't know, and I wouldn't expect them to quiz me on my past if they heard about it elsewhere. It could be that some things his mum is happy to share with you, and some she is not.

Your choices are to believe him, and not question any further, although you'll probably struggle because you know that some at least is not true, or to not believe him. If you don't believe him, where does that leave your relationship?

How old is he? Is there any chance he doesn't realise he is making it up, and is suffering from early onset dementia or something?