Long term separation thread

[horsetowater]

We may have met before we were grown up.
We may have children that won't cope with change.
We may have seen our parents friends or relatives die.
We may have friends that have never known us separately.
We may have dependent financial arrangements.
We may have property that can't be moved from easily.
We may have partners whose concept of feminism and equality is limited.
We may have a shared history that covers the best years of our lives.

And if you say yes to all of these it seems so much easier to stay than it is to go. I have been on here for years talking about leaving, and finally the time has come but I would like to share this experience with anyone who can offer support.

Then you've got nothing to loose (lose? Damn it I can NEVER remember!!) by making that call have you?

Stop thinking about it and do it!

(I'm saying this with friendship and support not bossiness I hope you know!)

Just called. They will call back. Sweaty palms now. I asked if there was a catch because it is cheap, they said it had been taken over from another agent who couldn't let it. I know it's on a fairly busy road but there is double glazing.

Thank you for giving me the push.

Bloody marvellous! Well done that woman!

That call could be the start of a whole new life of happiness for you

That took guts. You can do it!

Just drove by, it's on a very busy road, reason it's cheap. Not so bad at night though, handy for transport and safe for getting home.

Actually I'm a spoilt cow. I've had everything I've ever needed. I think though even in a slightly worse house with less stuff around things have got to be better.

I'm thinking about how dds might see it. They are so used to being where we are now, will probably go home to Daddy.

Actually the likelihood is he will step down and move out if he knows I've got something sorted.

I was on my own for a weekend recently. Everything felt right, calm, but I lost my appetite, didn't get hungry. I was very busy and active but that was weird and so not like me. I love food normally.

I feel really tired now.

This is an opportunity, the opportunity you have been waiting for. You may go there and feel yes, or no, but you must call the agent, to find out if you can do this. Take some deep breaths, and phone!

I waited and waited for this flat to come up. When I saw it, I knew that it was good enough not to be a painful compromise. The right home does not often appear on the market, and if you feel it might be ok, you must go and see it. Calling the agent is not a decision.....

Do you have a friend to go with?

Sorry,mi didn't read the last page! Well done! When are you going to view it?

Your DDs will also appreciate the calm and peace I'm sure of it. They will adapt to the new house. You will make it a lovelyhome for them I'm sure.

This house has been sent to you for a reason. Grasp it.

We all believe in you xx

On my home-searching travels I have found another flat, upstairs but with access to a garden in a quiet road with own front door (purpose built). This would be even calmer and it's not much more price wise. It's a really nice area where people stay for ages.

Not as big and not as close to transport but I do crave tranquility and rarely go out for the evening completely alone.

It seems the housing benefit cap has hit hard in this area and rents are coming down.

The flat sounds lovely. If you can afford it, go for it. You are separating for calm, and if you have a place which feels calm and secure you will be getting what you need straight away. Good luck.

I must say I feel like a bit of a failure and a bit of a fraud. When we moved here I felt so confident of the new start, everything was going to be rosy in our new home with our new kids in our new community. I am very much part of the community now and everyone knows us but very few know my turmoil.

But we have to go. I can't imagine this house without him. It would make us feel like we are missing something rather than moving forward.

Thank you for your support.

Along with feeling like a failure and a fraud and a spoilt cow, I also feel lazy. I haven't worked for years (carer) and when I do I find it exhausting. I can cope with half a day but any more than that and I just want to give up.

It feels right to admit to these feelings, I have always wanted to keep them at arms length.

And blimey the gods are shining, a call from a mortgage broker offering us money to do work on the house (not a huge loan). That could mean a quick sale (or renting out) and a cushion for the near future.

Or it could mean feeling more trapped as the house gets sorted and we think it's all rosy again.

I hope you get the flat. Your posts remind me of how I felt last year when I was looking and applied for my new place.

I went out with the baby one day and looked at a cheap, small, shabby place. I applied and got it. Telling him was the scariest thing I have ever done. It was so hard and I almost couldn't do it.

But I did and one year on and I am so happy - the tranquility, the freedom...this is the true home I always wanted for my children - full of love and laughter.

Follow your gut instinct and trust yourself, you can do this and your quality of life will improve immensely. Your DC will be proud of you and you will all blossom in a calm, happy love-filled new home. Focus on how great you will feel in your new place and nibble away at achieving the dream and you will make it. I can guarantee it will be worth it.

Thank you for that inspiring post Apple.

I have just had confirmation of the loan. Need to think carefully how to spend it.

Hmmm...if I were you I wouldn't. I'd squirrel it away

It's in both our names. No squirrelling possible, but I will have access to it.