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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Separated from partner,pregnant and scared

7 replies

scaredforfuture · 10/07/2013 10:48

Hello,wondering if anyone can give me some advice/comfort.
Me and my partner had been having an increasingly difficult relationship-some good times,but he has a high pressure job,no longer gets on with his family and also many of his friends have either moved away or he has not nurtured his friendships so he had many 'stresses'. I tried so hard to support him,but he takes his stress and anger out on me and there was no longer anything I could do to help.then I found out I was pregnant-initially he was happy with this news,but then I think he began to feel trapped and scared,so his mood swings and anger increased.I made the difficult decided that I no longer wanted to be in the relationship-I also questioned if I should keep the baby :( but have decided i will. It is another 5 months until the baby is born,but he is becoming unbearable to communicate with.he swings from being positive and claiming it will work,despite us not loving each other,to making demands that are terrifying me-such as having the baby every weekend (obviously this couldn't happen while small and beeastfeeding) he also states things like "I don't want my kid to have another dad/father figure" which just gets me so worried and anxious about what may happen or how he may act in the future.he is a very jealous and possessive man. I am terrified about what will happen in the future and can't relax, I have told him it is too early to worry about all this and that we need to sit down and talk about it all. Anyone got any words of advice :( I 31 my partner is 30,I don't need financial support from him but he will provide it.he has no support from his family but will know his rights and will prob demand the baby gets his surname. I hate that I am in this situation. I never expected that this would/could happen.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 10/07/2013 11:08

Rather than sitting down and talking with someone so unreasonable and, I'm sorry to say, abusive, I think you need to a) detach from this man completely and b) seek legal advice. Both about access to the baby when they are born as well as financial support. You're not married which actually goes in your favour on this occasion. Unmarried fathers have very few rights.

Are you living separately?

Officershitty · 10/07/2013 11:11

I'm sure someone with wiser shoulders than mine will come along soon. Sorry to hear you are in this situation. What RL support do you have? You say you don't need financial support from him- that is good although he is obliged to provide it I believe. I don't think he can force you to give the child his surname.
he is a very jealous and possessive man I think that says it all. It may be worth discussing things with a solicitor, if you can. I think some provide some free time before they take on a case.

scaredforfuture · 10/07/2013 11:17

I have lots of support from family and friends.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 10/07/2013 11:20

That's good. Add to that support by getting yourself some heavy artillery in the form of a good family lawyer. And then detach from this man 100%. There is no child at the moment so you have no connection. You're pregnant, you're unmarried and you actually have nothing to talk about to him, regardless of what he says.

Can I ask again if you are still living together? I'm assuming 'no'...

Officershitty · 10/07/2013 11:22

I'm so glad you have RL support. Perhaps you can have people there with you when you have to be in contact with him.

scaredforfuture · 10/07/2013 11:23

No,not living together now. I can't believe how awful people can become,it is heart breaking. I suppose this behaviour and worries must happen a lot in situations like this :( and I don't want stress for the developing baby

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 10/07/2013 12:01

You'll be a lot less stressed once you stop talking to him. Be with people that actually like you rather than this thoroughly nasty piece of work

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