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Relationships

Friend ripped off for 35K by guy on Match.com- I need to talk her round HELP!

179 replies

Friendinneed13 · 08/07/2013 23:44

Hi All,

Am regular (ish) poster but name changed on this occasion!

A single friend who I met through work is a regular on match.com, she is in her mid forties, attractive, smart and has a great job with an excellent salary.

She met a guy on match.com approx 4-5 months ago, they had been speaking for around two weeks when they decided to meet up- on that night that had sex and spent the whole weekend together which she refers to as 'special'....

The following week at work she told me all about her weekend and that continued to tell me that he had financial problems with his business and she had invested/ lent him £10,000- she said he didn?t want to take it and she had to convince him to!!

I was so angry with her and told her so- which she didn?t like- I told her he was ripping her off etc. etc. and she promised not to give him any more money.

But??.In the last few months she has given him a further £25,000, his business folded and now he is going from one disaster to another, loan sharks, bailiffs, can?t pay rent; no food etc. which I think is all bullshit by the way.

He has told her so many lies, many of which he admits to when found out- for example he said he was getting a loan to pay her back but when she showed me the email- I did some digging and found that it was a fake email address etc. - when she confronted him he admitted it, but said he only did it because loan sharks where after him and he needed her to lend him more money etc.

She also seems in denial that he has a gambling problem- soon after meeting they went to Monte Carlo for the weekend and he spent most of the time in the casino alone gambling and losing large sums of money ? yet she continues to help him although they are not in a relationship and never really were.

I need help to convince her of what I KNOW is the truth a) He is a conman who constantly lies to her to procure money b) He is a gambler and that?s where her money is going. Every month she says that she will not give him any more money, but this month alone he has already had £1500 from her, her savings has been totally wiped out by this wanker and when payday comes around he piles on the pressure to ?borrow? more money, always promising to pay it back from some deal or property sale etc?

The problem is that although I think she is now coming around to the idea that he has ripped her off, she feels that he has some good in him and if she doesn?t help him stay afloat she will see none of her money back- she borrowed £1500 from me last month to pay her mortgage as she had given all her money to him- which she did pay me back, but her financial situation is dire at the moment because of him.
My friend likes to think she is a canny business woman, and a good judge of character then why can?t she see this guy for what he is a liar and a thief? I don?t want to lose her friendship and I care for her very much, but I?ve spent nearly two hours on the phone with her tonight as she has lent him the £1500 and now he is not answering her calls/text- which is something he has done before- she doesn?t even know where he is living now.

How do I convince her to go to the police and to STOP GIVING HIM MONEY??? HELP!

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Friendinneed13 · 09/07/2013 01:10

Imperial, you have hit the nail on the head- she is chasing the money now. She doesnt want to face the fact that she has lost a LOT of money to this man, and so doesnt want to risk anything which may mean he may run, or not be 'able' to pay her back.

So she helps him 'stay on his feet' - but this means giving him more money- its a vicous circle, and he know its and is using it against her

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kickassangel · 09/07/2013 01:11

Would she even know who went to the police? If he's a con man they could be after him anyway. How would she ever find out if someone pointed them in the right direction?

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Friendinneed13 · 09/07/2013 01:16

Norks, i think at first she really liked him, thought she could 'help' him, she is lonely i think and really wants to be loved.

But now i think she wants her money back and so is trying to keep him on the hook so to speak, by keeping contact etc, but she KEEPS giving him MORE money, as he says things like i cant stick around, ill end up in hospital if the loan sharks get to me, and she panics, she feels that if she doesnt give him more she will lose everything.

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Friendinneed13 · 09/07/2013 01:18

But this is all part of the con..... spinning a yarn........ it could go on forever at 2k a month now he has has all her savings

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MagzFarqharson · 09/07/2013 01:24

So sorry for your friend OP. These people are truly despicable.

Posted on the Dating Thread a while ago about two of my friends who almost fell for these scams. Both on Match.com.

One was about a pipe-line which accidently didn't meet in the middle, so needed a large cash injection to correct it, after which untold riches would be forthcoming. Friend told him she had no money,never heard from him again.

The other was the sick child who needed desparately to be brought back to the UK for life-saving surgery. This friend told him to forward their passports so she could buy their air tickets. Never heard from him again..

I'm sure I've seen documentaries on these scams on Channel 4?

My heart goes out to anyone who has fallen for these mean, nasty, grubbing pieces of shit.

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Mixxy · 09/07/2013 01:25

If she is giving it willingly, is it a crime?

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MagzFarqharson · 09/07/2013 01:26

sorry - desperately

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Friendinneed13 · 09/07/2013 01:29

Mag, Thank you so much- unfortuantely this type of thing seems very common :)

Mixxy, im not sure, but he has told so many lies to procure money, isnt that fraud in some way?

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Friendinneed13 · 09/07/2013 01:30

meant :( not :) of course!

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Friendinneed13 · 09/07/2013 01:31

He is an absolute wanker of the highest order, Ive never met him, and dont wish too, he talks to my friend like shit most of the time and i would be likely to tell him to f off!

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Mixxy · 09/07/2013 01:32

I'm not sure about it. Unless she got stuff in writing like a business or investment contract, I'm not certain it wouldn't just be seen as a personal loan gone wrong. I'm sure a barrister will come along shortly and clear that up.

Where do these men come from and how do they recognize otherwise perfectly smart women as easy pickings?

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MagzFarqharson · 09/07/2013 01:36

OP Maybe you should meet this pond life and tell him to fuck right off!
They don't seem to stick around once they've been rumbled - scumbags...

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Friendinneed13 · 09/07/2013 01:37

Mixxy, I dont know!! She is my colleague and at work she is confident, intelligent and in control, when it comes to him all logic goes out the window!

No contract etc, but emails/texts with her saying the money is a loan and him saying he will pay it back in full.

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Friendinneed13 · 09/07/2013 01:39

Mag, i dont think he would want to meet me tbh, she hasnt met any of his friends,fanily etc and he hasnt met her mum and dad or friends- he has kept a very low profile.

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garlicsmutty · 09/07/2013 01:50

Have you considered posting on scam-busting sites like scamwarners.com, OP? Also, if you don't mind sinking £50 more, join Match and set up a male profile as him, asking for news of any other members he's conned. If your friend gets to see that he's already done this to other women, the reality might sink in quicker.

It must be awful to watch her doing this :(

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MagzFarqharson · 09/07/2013 01:51

Friendinneed13 live up to your name... if ever you had a friend in need it's now.

Fuck what 'he' wants. Be at her house, for some reason, next time he's due round for the pick-up to profess his undying love for her.

Your presence will show him he's not in total control of her and he'll hopefully back off and/or show his true colours to her.

Sorry OP, I shouldn't be suggesting you be put in this difficult position, but this is your friend... is there no-one (mutual close friend?)else who could - discreetly - become involved in her rescue?

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garlicsmutty · 09/07/2013 01:52

I think it is criminal fraud. Do you think he's ditcher her now she's broke?

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garlicsmutty · 09/07/2013 01:53

*ditched

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garlicsmutty · 09/07/2013 01:57

You can also try doing an image search for his face. Sometimes gives back 1,000s of faces that are only a bit like the submitted image but, if he has a standard profile picture, there's a fair chance of finding his profiles under other names ...

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MagzFarqharson · 09/07/2013 01:59

garlic I don't know, but supect as a PP said, she's handed the money over willingly? He's not claiming to invest in a non-existent company or stocks/bonds which never materialise... Don't know any of that for certain though Confused

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Longdistance · 09/07/2013 02:01

Do you know his full name? If you do, Google is your friend. He may have already done this to someone else.

Yes, I agree with pp. you should just turn up when he's there to 'meet' frighten the fucker

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Mixxy · 09/07/2013 02:03
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garlicsmutty · 09/07/2013 02:18

"Fraud by false representation" is defined by Section 2 of the Act as a case where a person makes "any representation as to fact or law ... express or implied" which they know to be untrue or misleading.

Well, he's done that throughout, hasn't he?

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MagzFarqharson · 09/07/2013 02:28

Would friend be willing to see him charged though? love is blind at times, clearly

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Tiredtrout · 09/07/2013 04:24

You could try calling action fraud on 03001232040 for advice, they've taken over all fraud investigations and are a specialist team at city of London police. They'd be able to give you an answer on whether there is a criminal offence first of all and actually have the ability to do all of the work

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