Why???! sorry, got to rant!

[catkin14]

its been 4 months since I left my mindscrewing H.
Apart from DS not being so good on and off I thought ExH had moved on - he told me he had, that hed now got lots of friends and that I had done the right thing and that we had never had a marriage etc...

DS meets up with him for a few hours at weekend, DS asks his DF why he hadnt told him beforehand that he was going on holiday or that he hadnt asked DS if he would like to go with him. ExH says it was because I wouldnt allow him to go. I didnt even know he was going so I dont know how i could say no!
Anyway says ExH, no one cares where he is so why should he tell anyone?! DS was very upset at this. understandably.
Now DS is angry with me, why did I leave ExH, especially after 26 years married etc.
Why is ExH doing this to DS when he had been ok?
If i say something to ExH he will tell DS that he cant talk to him anymore cos he gets wrong for saying things to him! He is so pathetic and childlike!
But Im so fed up with this mindscrewing stuff.
Is he trying to get me back or what?
Sorry, just had to rant!

Of course he's trying to stick the knife in. Spinning his sob stories and malicious lies to your DS is designed to upset him, and by extension you. It's manipulative and cruel... not pathetic or childlike in the slightest. I don't know how old DS is (teenage? younger?) but I think you have to build his resilience and give him some coping strategies, rather than hope your ex is going to stop.

For example, you'd be quite correct to tell him that Dad is unreliable, talks a lot of rubbish and that nothing he says can be taken on face-value. If a statement like 'mum wouldn't allow you to go on holiday with me' gets made in future, tell him to check it out with you.