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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Completely and utterly confused!

5 replies

Emyloukids29 · 08/07/2013 20:01

Ok so seperated with my dh over a year ago now. We have 2 dc together and he see's them everyday. Our relationship is rocky, it went down hill when he got with his new partner. I do miss him sometimes because even though we split I still cared about him.

Anyway I have a new partner and if I am honest I jumped to quick into it. He did more or less live with me and despite the odd argument we were really good.

But recently to me he has been acting a little weird. His personality changed and it is like I am not allowed to ask him anymore what he is doing or where he is going. He used to tell me but all of a sudden it seems very odd.

He said he was going to a job, I only said in passing 'where is it', he got really defensive. That made me suspicious. But it isn't just that it is other little things I dont understand.

He used to be so caring and now he tells me to get a grip. I suffer with depression also and he knew that I have my down days but sometimes I think he uses it against me.

We haven't been seeing each other a lot of the last 3 weeks and now when we do it is like I am walking on egg shells. I don't no what to talk to him about any more. I do love him but I am just so confused.

Last night we had a row, but I really felt in my heart I didn't do anything. He shouts and looses it so easily but it is worse lately. I cry because obviously it gets to me and then he says I just need to get a grip.

I never had any of this with my ex, I just dont no what to do...

OP posts:
Portofino · 08/07/2013 20:03

No no no. You are so much better than this shit. Me, personally, I would tell him to feck off.

Emyloukids29 · 08/07/2013 20:07

I no and to be honest I know this is the case in my heart, only my dc have taken to him and I feel like I not only taken them away from their dad but now my new partner. I also feel like if this doesn't work I won't be able to trust again.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 08/07/2013 23:50

Your DC may like him but I'm sure they like a lot of other things that aren't all that good for them and which you have to take away as a responsible parent. If they are growing up in an environment where their mother is being bullied so badly that's she's crying and they can do nothing about it, that will be very damaging for them.

There's a difference between 'trust' and 'naivety'. You say yourself that you went into this latest relationship too quickly and that it was a mistake. Get rid of him first & then think critically about what you've learned from the experience - especially any early-warning signs that you missed. Womens Aid run a 'Freedom Programme' for women that have experienced abusive/bullying/controlling relationships. You might want to consider that as a way to reset your boundaries and rebuild your confidence.

So please do the right thing. Good luck

Jux · 09/07/2013 08:55

Your children will cope without a bullying uncaring man in their lives. Dump him.

Emyloukids29 · 09/07/2013 20:49

Thank you, I can't believe I guess he has changed so much in such a short space of time

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