Hate sex with my OH! Anyone else?

[em222]

I really do not like sex with my OH. I can't stand it and I don't know why. We very rarely do it and when we do he just wants to change positions all the time or have his tongue down my throat constantly to the point I can't breath!!! It makes me irritable and I end up just throwing him away from me.

I have tried talking to him, but it causes arguments. I am not physically attracted to him and often get annoyed with him during the day by his behaviour. This really puts me off him by the end of the day and I then just want to relax.

I don't know if I will ever be able to enjoy sex with him again. We did split last year for a few weeks and during this time he was sleeping with someone else, this bugs me everyday and I can't forget about it.

We have children and don't feel I can break our family up but can't imagine being with a man I can't sleep with for the rest of my life!

Did you always feel this way?

I think you might want to reconsider your decision to get back together. It doesn't sound like a happy union at all - for many reasons. Happy parents apart can really be a better upbringing for DC than unhappy parents together, ya know?

No

I know, but they love their dad and I feel selfish thinking about taking them away from him to leave.

Well, I went through all this and am now divorced. It's all pretty big stuff isn't it? Annoyed during day, don't fancy him and hate sex. Oh, and he cheated on you. Work those issues through, but it doesn't sound as if it's just about sex.

I'd cut my losses. Your kids can love their Dad even if him, his invasive tongue are living under a different roof. You're not obliged to forgive his behaviour. I'm not surprised you don't feel amorous towards him...

he didnt cheat , op said they had split up and then he slept with someone else. but if your that repulsed by someone then why waste the 1 life you get ?

You cannot stay with this person.

You just can't.

Don't even try. Crap sex is just another way of two people saying 'I don't love you'

Life's way too short. Good luck whatever you do x

I hate sex with your oh too....

Sorry! Couldn't resist the pun. Do u feel this is symptomatic of other issues or just momentary?

don't take them away from him then. Share the parenting.

I wouldn't take them away from him, he has a bad attitude and would cause me nothing but bother if I did leave. Which would make things difficult. I know he wouldn't let me stay in the house therefore I would have to leave with the kids, and I would probably move closest to where my family were being miles away from him.

I don't know if he cheated, he was close to this woman before I knew anything happened so I think somthing was going on before the split. I think the only reason it stopped is because he wanted me back.

I think the whole issue is down to bigger problems, but day to day living I can cope with, my kids are happy and settled and I wouldn't want to ruin that.

Do you honestly think that, at their 21st birthday parties, your kids are going to turn round and say 'thanks for putting up with that offensive knob all these years, we appreciate it'?....

BTW.. of course he was shagging the other woman before the split. It didn't work out with her - probably due to his crappy sexual techniques - so he said he wanted you back.

This is your one shot at life. Please make the most of it rather than simply 'coping' day to day thinking you have to be manacled to some loser.

It's not just you. I had fully made up my mind to tolerate my life. I used to imagine that he would die before me and I might get 10 years of peace. He might go off anyway. I agree with Cogito that he was probably hedging his bets with the other woman. Don't decide to leave him on the strength of an MN thread, but whatever you do, do what you can to make things better than they are now.

Seriously, split up. Please don't use your children as the reason to stay with this man. My parents stayed together for the sake of the children. We had to live with that guilt throughout our childhoods.

I think the OW got rid too once she tried him out in the bedroom.

If the guy won't do anything about his technique and you don't want to leave, then you could try different bedrooms and have a platonic marriage instread.

you need to just break up really

Honestly get out. My first boyfriend had parents who were in exactly your situation, he knew although they thought that they had cleverly covered it up. They thought they were doing him a favour by staying together. It really fucked him up. Your life is too important for all this.

I don't think it has anything to do with his technique, is about how you feel about him. Get him to work on improving the relationship with you, or end it.

Life is looooong with no whoopie.

Even longer with bad whoopie.

Bin the man. If he behaves badly after the split, he can be put in his place legally - restraining order etc if necessary. You do not have to live with him and, while the courts may order contact between him and DC that is for their benefit not his. It's fine to get rid of an abusive, woman-hating man, and that's what you've got. If he wasn't abusive and woman-hating he would listen to your complaints about his revolting sexual technique and make the effort to change - as it is, he thinks you are something that exists for his benefit, not a person.

If you already know he would be a manipulative arse in the event of a split, you have already lost your faith in him.

And for good reason, it seems.