Been ill, has shown a lot of my relationships in their true light..feeling sad now

[BloodIsNotThatThickActually]

Im a name changed regular, since I want this anon. I have been ill for the past 2 months, don't want to say what with since its unusual and could out me, but it has meant that i have pretty much taken to my bed. Im too poorly to go out or drive, so cant even take kids to school or pop to the shops and its pretty grim and hard work at the mo. A couple of friends have been great, taking the children to and from school for me, one brought me some lovely flowers one day. But other people I thought were close friends have not called or even texted once. And yes, they do know Im ill, I have had to cancel stuff with them because of it. I feel quite hurt.

My family have been frankly worse. My sister lives 10 mins away but makes any number of excuses not to visit. She knows Im pissy now. When I mentioned the GP is sending me for an ultrasound she couldnt bring herself to call and just texted back 'Hope you feel better soon'. My mum hasnt called in 10 days.

Family have never made any effort so I really really shouldn't be surprised but this time Im feeling hurt by it. Thought I had got over all this 'I feel neglected' stuff, but clearly its still lurking.

Gah. I dont even know why Im writing this, just to vent I suppose. Thanks to anyone who reads it!

I hope you feel better soon.

Sorry you're having such a shitty time! MN is a great place for a rant though, so let it rip

I am sorry you have been ill and hunk you are perfectly e titled to rant going on what you have written. Are your family aware how shit they have been?

sometimes people can got very selfish
especially when you ill
they can also be scared
maybe they do not want to see you being hurt
I can understand it is not easy
to get to know why they like that

Please try to stay optymistic and maybe let them be
what I got from my experience
it is quite sad
if somebody want to help will do that strait away

same other people had to grow to be able to help

sorry Op that you are going through this. However, you have found out who your real friends are and now you know where to put your energy in the future. I had a similar experience and now I am grateful not to waste my time on people that cant be bothered

Best Wishes for you
I hope you will get better soon

I can see where you're coming from OP. I'm not ill but been feeling really let down by close friends and family too lately. It's a horrible feeling, that people who are supposed to care and stand by you actually disappear in times of need.

Please don't lose faith in you or your ability to relate to people. What they're doing or not doing says more about them than about you.

Always keep in mind the friends who are there for you. They are good friends and you're lucky to have them.

Focus on the people who are good and kind and try, though I know it's hard, not to think too much about the ones who are fake or disappointing.
I find my children a great source of comfort and inspiration when I'm feeling down about how crap people can be.

Hope you get better soon.

Sorry you are feeling badly, OP.

Families are weird.

When I miscarried last year the only contact I got from MIL was a "was there something wrong with it then?" text message, then nothing.

MN is a great place to rant!

Being unwell can make you feel very vulnerable - even more so, if you are at times incapacitated. You can't help reflecting on your support system: and it can be very upsetting to find the people you thought would help you - or OUGHT to help, by any standard of normal behaviour - are nowhere to be seen!

Even if you've mastered the art of not caring about the neglect, ill-health will tend to force the issue in front of you again. So please don't beat yourself up about hurting when you thought you'd got over it. These feelings are natural. You will have your equilibrium back soon.

When you can, maybe think about the friends who ARE coming through for you. Maybe you've been surprised at who they are. We care about you, would come and lend a hand if we could, and there are lots of others like us out there.

As other posters say, this is a good place to rant and let it all out.

Thinking of you and hope you feel better soon

Sorry you're having such a rough time.

Not excusing your friends at all, but is it possible they're not sure what to do? Having helped a couple of people in not dissimilar circumstances, I was staggered by how many people avoid because they didn't know if it would be welcome or what to do.

Might it be worth asking for help / visits, either directly or indirectly? For example, if you use Facebook and have some as friends, could you update your status to something like "still house-bound, still feeling crap but would love visitors if anyone has a spare 30 minutes / if anyone feels like picking up my shopping / running a couple of errands, it'd make life so much easier. Just call / text / drop in"

Not perfect, but you get the idea I hope.

And if I'm way off beam, focus on those who are your good friends, make sure they know you appreciate them and take care of yourself.

They may know you're ill but not that you need practical help and emotional support/tlc, maybe? Could you spell it out a bit more, as Berkshire mum suggests? Send a text or two, maybe, saying "omg feel shit, can you come over and cheer me up? Would love to see you." I love my friends dearly and would really want to be there for them if they were ill but I tend to worry that they will feel overwhelmed by lots of visitors as I often want to curl up in a ball on my own and ignore the world when ill. Good luck. I hope you feel better soon.

Unfortunately I think it is quite common for a period of illness (or other crisis) for friends and family to show their true colours. A lot of people are inherently selfish and don't think about what other people need. And also assume that any period of illness can be got over in a couple of weeks at most, unless you've been in hospital or something.

I would agree with the suggestion to reach out and ask for help, but I'd also limit contact with those who haven't bothered with you. You need people around you who are going to nourish your soul, not drain your energy.

LadyFlumpalot - words fail at your MIL.

Thanks all. Perspective helps In a way it was nothing I didn't already know anyway, its not as my family have ever been there for me. Im trying very hard to reframe it - whilst a couple of mates have let me down, another 2 I don't know so well have really helped. Perhaps it all just shakes down a bit in this kind of situation - wheat from the chaff and all that.
Ladyflump -

LadyFlumpalot wow, MIL is one in a million (hopefully).

Being ill sucks, OP, hope you're better soon. Some people are alas fairweather friends but your sister has really dropped the ball here.

Before illness struck, did you run around on their behalf? Are you perceived as a "coper"?

Something catching, I suppose, could explain the ones who stay away or don't offer help. They could still ask after you! If you don't have a cast on your arm or limp with crutches people jump to conclusions you're not so bad or even, making a fuss or milking it. Rather an outdated taboo, thinking a patient is somehow unlucky by association. Or perhaps they tell themselves, she's popular, someone else will see or speak to her. A simple kindly enquiry after your progress would make all the difference.

Chin up, focus on positives. Ask for specific help, allowing for people's own timetables and responsibilities. You'll repay with kindness so don't feel bad for asking.
Have a break from folk who just haven't bothered.