"Don't tell me what to do"

[Dorange]

Is there a not nasty way to say it or is it always nasty?

you want to say it - or someone has said it to you?

said to me
than trying to say didn't mean to offend
well, English isn't my 1st language, but I don't think I will buy the no offense explanation
Or should I?

Depends what the situation is hun

Why is it necessarily 'nasty'? sounds angry, maybe determined, lost patience, but that's not the same as nasty.

Nasty is cruel, malicious.

I can't think of any non-nasty situations in which it would be said...the polite version is surely "thanks for your advice but I'm OK here"?

I recently asked someone to not say that to me (generic point ) I got back don't tell me what to do. We don't talk very much now

Dh came after work and started to unnecessary stuff around the house. On Friday night. He has the whole weekend to do it (move furniture, sort out CDs, DVDs) but he chose Friday night after a whole busy week for everyone (small flat and all). While he is doing this and playing with DD (6) I quickly go to shower and come out to her crying as she is exhausted and playing up (summer fair at school + swimming lessons). I than start the bed time routine and his is back to his thing. I than hear he talking to himself and banging things around, I go and ask if he is ok. He says he is tired and stressed and needs to relax. So I say 'why don't you stop doing what are you doing, and go relax, you can finish this another time. Than he tells me 'not to tell him what to do'. Now, it is probably my fault, but I'm not the sort of person to put my tail between my legs and hide, so I just point out that I was trying to be nice and his response was utterly nasty and not necessary and he thinks I'm over reacting and it leads to an argument when again we talk about separation and he comes up with the most absurd things (like saying he would kill himself if we were to separate). So yes I guess the problem is deeper and there is a massive back story but while we are having to share the same home right now, I was trying to be nice and I didn't put up with a simple 'don't tell me what to do'. AIBU? As I said, the flat is small and it is very unpleasant if he goes off to another room to 'talk to himself' and bang things around. I don't want to put up with this and I feel really sorry for DD having to live with it, but I also can't wait until she goes to bed to put my point across and I would like to think I'm sending her a message that putting up with certain behaviour is not OK. Also me and H have massive communication problems, if I don't talk straight way it becomes much more difficult afterwards. Sorry I'm on my phone. Rant over but dreadful weekend ahead. I can't cope anymore.

I am so ashamed of everything. I have been trying for years, but there is no cure, we can't be together and he won't accept separation. I can't move house, I am a CM, I can't just rent somewhere else because I need my place to work. Me moving out mean months without work. His salary is low even though he works long hours and very hard. We don't have anything but we are tied to each other financially, we wouldn't really be able to run two households and even if he moves to his parents 2 hours away on a public transport (we don't have a car) I will have to pay this expensive rent and bills (in London) all by myself also have less help with DD. I don't have family here.
It sucks
Whenever I see someone getting married I want to shout: Don't do it!
I know there are happy couples out there and I used to be so romantic, but after so many shit relationships, I completely lost faith TBH.
I just want to be left alone and do the best for my DD.

Also I don't think he is mentally healthy (sorry don't mean to offend anyone).
But he dismiss every suggestion I make to seek help.
I have being wondering for a long time now if he has any learning disability too as he is so....sorry I don't know how to say it without causing offence, but he is different.
To the point I am ashamed of having him in my circle of friends as he can't really hold a proper conversation with people, he.just.can't.

Mind you he has no friends at all. I think this says something?

He definitely have dyslexia and had a hard time at school, didn't learn much, never read a book, can't spell the most simple words...I have been trying hard to overlook all this for 7 years now, but I do need some sort of stimulation, you know, mental, intellectual stimulation. Can't have a conversation with him.

The other day a friend came over, we were having pizza, and talking about food (he is a chef and just talks about food, even though he doesn't even has much knowledge about food nor cooks that well) (God sounds awful).

So he was talking about home made mayonnaise (which he never made in his entire life) and my friend asked him what is the difference between a shop bought mayonnaise and home made one, his answer was:

"the same difference between a shop bought pizza and a home made one"

Conversation over.

Now I know it does make some sense, but that is not the way you have a conversation is it? He starts talking about shit he doesn't know anything about and than when he has no reasonable answer to give he comes up with these 'pearls'. It is embarrassing.

I hate him
I hate the fact I have a child with him (surprise pregnancy when I was trying to finish the 'relationship')
When he says he wants to kill himself I want to say: just GO

I need help.

This is no relationship to live in and it is not a home to raise your daughter in. You seem to despise him. It can't go on, making each other miserable to that extent. You are going to have to think drastic thoughts.

Could you both move out of London to be able to run two homes eventually?