issues with my parents....help!!

[vnmum]

i currently live abroad and have come back to uk for a holiday for first time since ds was born 6 months ago. i arrived on friday and am meant to be staying with my parents till friday but have already had to change it to thursday. i'll tell you my dilemma...
my ds is a high need baby, very demanding and gets overstimulated very easily and is then difficult to settle. i know a change in routine can upset them but my parents have the tv on loud all day as background noise and the radio on in the kitchen where you can hear the tv from other room aswell. Ds is getting very grumpy and overstimulated etc coz they wont turn tv off, if i turn it down they turn it up again and expect him to cope with tv, electronic toys and being spoken to all at same time. he's not eating properly because when i try to give hm solids theyre constantly coming in to play with him and of course the radio and tv is still on. when hes bf theyre distracting him.

i have tried speakin to my dad about it as hes the problem but this is what he said in return....

that i had to get ds used to lots of noise all the time as i had it when i was a baby and im ok, i shouldnt be limiting his tv and keeping the house relatively quiet. when i explained that he was unsettled at night because of all this i was told that i should keep him awake till 11 even though hes used to goin to bed at 7 and then he'll sleep through, oh and i should stop feeding him at night too. then my dad said that if there was a tv programme he wanted to watch he would watch it as loud as he wants.

im now thinkin of leaving even earlier which isnt fair coz theyer not getting the time with ds but im getting stressed out.

sorry to be a long rant but has anyone got any advice and am i wrong to be pissed off at being told how to parent my child, and am i wrong to not have too much noise?

i dunno what the solution is, but really sympathise, it would drive me up the wall to have the telly on all the time.

tbh I'd consider leaving if its really getting to you but loud, constant tv get to me very very fast.

can you get out with ds for walks?

Blimey - they're being totally inconsiderate imo. Personally, I wouldn't stay, but then I'm very, erm, "strong-minded" (some might say bloody-minded!). This is probably not a good solution though.

Can you try explaining to your mum and then get her to speak to your dad? Or say to your dad that you appreciate that you were brought up in a certain way, and that it hadn't done you any harm, but as ds is only 6mths, it is a little hard for him to get used to a new routine just for a few days?

I'd be incredibly pissed off and think you have every right to be. Good luck.

yes i can get out for walks sometimes if weathers not bad, goin shopping on own with ds and dh tomorrow so get away for abit. i feel like it could cause a rift between me and parents as dad doesnt seem to want to listen. he cant seem to understand that all babies are different and constant noise and stimulation arent good for them.

to top it all off dh suffers from depression and is getting stressed too

boneym, i have tried explaining everything and that loud noise isnt good foe his little ears etc but its like talking to a brick wall. i was planning on coming home for xmas this year but now im having a rethink. my brother has similar issues with them too but they dont seem to understand

It sounds like you're having a crap time.

I would go home, tbh. But I too am a bit bloody minded, especially where loud telly is concnerned.

i have theses probs but with my in laws hence i only ever stay 2 days. would have thought your ow parents would have understood

the thing is weve driven all the way from germany, a long journey so people can see ds and this is what we get

What does your mum say?

loud tv drives me insane. unfortunately if your brother has same problems i doubt you can do anything.

seems a shame to go home but also a shame to stay and hate every minute of it. could you find alternative accomodation like b&b? get over to the camping topic and ask if you can borrow a tent?

havent spoke to mum about it yet but get feeling dad would just stick to his guns and then complain about how badly im bringing ds up in his eyes, so dont think its worth the energy. roll on thursday!!!!!

just spoke to mum about it and she just said that i was brought up with noise but all babies are different, but didnt say she'd speak to dad.

the tv is on so loud at mo that i cant even here ds crying on baby monitor when its on full volume!!

That would drive me completely crackers. Your parents' hearing can't be what it was, they probably have no idea how loud it is. Is there anyone else you can stay with? Anywhere at all you can go?

Is it possible to stay somewhere nearby next time you visit? That would give them the message that if they won't adapt a little bit then you won't stay under their roof.

i'm living with mine - not through choice - and i get a lot of advice about how to bring up my kids. i suggest bed fro dd1 and dad says 'oh i thought she cld have some food with us' so she stays up past 7.30 then i get her down at 8.15 and i go to bed at 10. if i leave them on their own for 5 minutes i'm told that they are on their own. often advice is declined by me and the parents say huffily 'well i suppose they're your children but i would have done xyz'. at teh beginning dad actually said 'don't do that' when i did something he didn't agree with. i had to say it's my child not my sister. I'm 33 btw and i moved back 9m ago having originally moved away when i was 19! I've turned into a stroppy teen but thankfully I'm moving out next friday and I cannot wait.

personally i don't think it's worth a fight. bite your tongue and next time stay with your brother or in a hotel/pub or whatever down the road. you don't ahve to make an issue out of it my feeling is that mine are too old to learn new tricks. you've told them and they've ignored you, agree to disagree and find a way round it. you have my sympathies but i'm relieved it's not just me who is told how to parent my children

Sounds like your mum won't help. Is there a B&B nearby? You could still see lots of your parents but you'd be able to get away when you needed? Or go and visit your brother for a couple of days?

im goin to stay with my brother on thursday but he lives 3 hours away so i cant really go any earlier. moneys abit tight so any extra expense for a b&b would be a struggle.

Thanks everyone for your advice, ive decided that im going to bite my tongue and just get on with things for ds' sake, and have a rethink of where to stay next time.

im glad im not the only one who has these sort of problems with their parents or PIL. its funny how your views of things change when you become a parent as the things they do wouldnt have bothered me before i had ds