DH is a procrastinator and never forward plans anything, I like to plan things in advance and here lies our problem
When we met, it took him 5 years to agree to marry me (after several years of me asking him and being told, he loved me but didnt know if he wanted to). Before we actually got married I specifically sat him down and told him that it was most important to me that we aimed for 2 kids and that if he wasnt of similar thoughts then to tell me then
So we married and managed to get one child, in the ten years since, dh lost his dad to cancer, then mine got diagnosed with cancer, and died 5 years later, and both of us were made redundant that same year, both managed to get re-employed. I have suffered from various mental issues such as ocd over the years (for which I have seen many experts) and I believe DH has suffered from mild depression (he saw one Dr, refused Anti'D's and ignored their advice)
So we are here, with only one child, Im close to 43 and looking at a potential family inheritance of early menopause. We have already spent 6 months at relate who felt we were pretty strong as a couple but failed to help us overcome the white elephant in the room. Im so broody it physically hurts, I see pregnant women and mums of two everywhere and permantly feel close to tears. DH is adimant that although he would in a perfect world have liked two (closer in age), but at the time he couldnt see the wood for the trees, and that now Im too old, our child is too old, he's too old, we dont have enough money etc
So how do I forgive him not talking to me at the time when I was younger to tell me how he felt when we could have had a rational discussion and both made joint decisions, instead of blaming my OCD problems for which I spent hours discussing in my counselling. He does have other instances of making decisions which effect the family without informing me first but knows now I will not put up with that again