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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What Now?

7 replies

Helphelphelp1 · 05/07/2013 02:35

Hopefully someone is about.....been lurking for a bit and thinking everything in my relationship is great, but I don't think it is....

I've seen the honest responses on here and I think that's what I need! I've been with my DH since I was 16, been married for 9 years and have 1 DC, I'm 36 this year. I don't know what's wrong with me but I just feel so unsettled and unfulfilled. I love my DH so much but I feel that the only reason he's still with me is because of our DC. He's definitely not seeing anyone else but I just feel like he's not in love with me anymore and I don't know what to do. I need and crave his love but I don't want to beg/ask for it.

This doesn't even make sense, don't know what I'm asking but this just doesn't feel right anymore. I'm so confused!!

OP posts:
LuisGarcia · 05/07/2013 02:51

How old is your dc?

Original poster
Helphelphelp1 · 05/07/2013 02:53

4

OP posts:
Original poster
Helphelphelp1 · 05/07/2013 02:58

Sorry for the short answer, but I'm scared that I've actually posted this because I should be happy and now I feel like I've done something wrong.

OP posts:
LuisGarcia · 05/07/2013 03:01

You were together 16 years before children?

Why do you feel that the only reason he's still with you is because of your DC?

Original poster
Helphelphelp1 · 05/07/2013 03:08

Is that strange? He was my first boyfriend and we both wanted to make sure we were making the right decision before commiting to each other.

He doesn't show me affection like he used too and I feel like I'm just the cook/nanny/cleaner. We both work full time and have stressfull jobs. I don't know what's wrong but something is wrong!

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 05/07/2013 10:43

What's wrong is that you feel taken for granted, unappreciated and possibly unloved. Not unusual in long-term relationships for everyone to get a bit too comfortable in their ruts, prioritise everything except their partner and basically stop making an effort. This can be repaired with better communication and some changes on all sides. However, when the affection dies, that's pretty fundamental and pretty serious. Good relationships always manage to retain a core of affection whatever else is going on.

The phrase you want is 'we need to talk' and pick your moment when there are no distractions and everyone's fresh and well-rested. Explain to your DH exactly how you feel, how worried you are for the future of your relationship and see what kind of ideas he brings to the table how to fix it. If he thinks there's no problem and you're making a fuss over nothing.... bad. If he's been feeling the same way and is enthusiastic about changing things... great

Original poster
Helphelphelp1 · 06/07/2013 12:22

That makes so much sense, thank you.

OP posts:
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