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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

In laws - dislike

5 replies

Lizyloured · 04/07/2013 22:22

Hello all, my mother in law has decided she doesn't want anything to do with me, this has come after a few difficult years and hurtful things said on both sides. She makes little if no effort with my children and hasn't seen them for nearly 3 years, her choice. I have held the olive branch on numerous occasions, however she will not budge.

The rest of the family are the same- have never made an effort with the children, despite my best attempts to encourage this- mil has other grandchildren that live near her that she sees regularly- yet mine get no contact or anything.

Problem has arisen as there is a family 60th birthday and my husband wishes our son to go up with him for it - I can't get time off work to travel up there, I feel I don't want ds to go as no effort has been made over the last 3 years - and because of the negative opionion they have of me, these people travel regularly however have not once made time for ds.

ADvice needed xxx

OP posts:

cozietoesie · 04/07/2013 22:29

What is your DH saying/doing about these bad relations? It's not all your responsibility.

Original poster

Lizyloured · 04/07/2013 22:34

He just says they are stubborn but feels stuck in the middle, I can't understand why he wants to take ds away from me for the week to see people that hate me, I understand they are des family however I feel so bitter- wish I didn't but I do x

OP posts:

cozietoesie · 04/07/2013 22:35

Lizy - there must be a lot of history to all this bad feeling. How did it start and then get worse?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 05/07/2013 09:43

You say there's been no effort and no olive branches but isn't the 60th party an olive branch? You're never going to be bosom buddies, that's pretty clear, but perhaps attending the party is that effort and olive branch you've been wishing for? You've been invited as well by the sound of it but you can't the time off... that's your call obviously. Do you think they'll be attacked in some way if they go? Do you think your DH is being disloyal to you?

AttilaTheMeerkat · 05/07/2013 10:15

How old is your DS?. Teenage or younger?.

Whose 60th is it?. And why must they seemingly go for a week?.

Unfortunately holding out the olive branch has not worked also because at heart they are unreasonable people and as such cannot be dealt with.
His family are at their heart dysfunctional.

Your DH is also part of the overall problem here because he is both unwilling and unable to stand up for his own family. He seems to be stuck in FOG as well with regards to his mother - fear, obligation, guilt. Feeling stuck in the middle is understandable but at the same time its a copout on his part.

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