I'm a mum of two DC, who works part time and looks after our DC the rest of the week. My DP is very good at everything practical around the house, including childcare. He cooks quite regularly and lately he's been doing quite a lot of cleaning and tidy up too.
I know my situation is not bad from the outside, however, I feel so trapped, angry and bored in my life at the moment. My DP has a better paid job than me and he works long hours so it could be said that we are able to pay an expensive mortgage, bills etc more thanks to him than me. He's not abusive about money but lately I realise he makes most decisions about money in our house and I sort of stay in the background. When we moved houses, he chose energy suppliers, domestic equipment etc etc. I was OK with this, but I feel like I'm losing my decision making power and I care less and less about practical stuff, which I don't think it's a positive thing as a whole, as I feel more like a child than an adult.
He's not violent or abusive, but he's got a bad drinking habit that I begged him over and over again to quit, but nothing changes. It's usually a few drinks in the evenings and occasionally at the put with friends or work colleagues, but I hate it. I think he's a functional alcoholic but I'm aware that I have to be careful using that word as people immediately think he's abusive and violent, which he's not.
He's also not very affectionate and loving on the whole, least of all in public. I usually feel alone and left out in social situations, as he goes to talk to people and completely forgets that I'm there in the place with him. A lot of the time I don't know the people around me very well so I feel very uncomfortable. I kind of avoid social situations like parties and weddings because of this. I feel like our relationship lacks a social dimension, and this makes me sad and angry. I've talked to him about it many times, but nothing changes on this front either. I dread it when an invitation comes through the door and I'm always making excuses not to go. If he does't drive, there's the additional dread that he's going to be very drunk and I find that extremely upsetting.
I look at the people on FB and the way they seem to celebrate each other and their families, and I know I will never have any of that.
It seems that my life is somehow sorted on a practical level - which is not to be underestimated, I know - , but there are other levels on which I feel a deep sense of loneliness, void and lack of connection, not only to my partner but with people around me too.
I love my DC with all my heart and they're the main thing at the moment that keeps me going.
I suppose I need some counselling but I can't afford it as our combined salary is too high to get any help for myself.
I'd love to hear words of advice or from people in a similar situation as mine. It's so hard to feel so alone.