DH doesnt love me and I cant cope

[tewin]

I feel so desperate and alone. DH wanted to leave us 2/3 years ago due to MY behaviour, PND etc. He ended up staying but still does not feel anything for me and I just want to be liked and acknowledged even. He keeps well away and I feel part of the furniture. he works all the time and I sit alone every eve. DS is 7 and DD is 11. I cant leave and upset them but I cant live any longer not having my husband, I feel I just cannot go on, please any advice

Sorry to hear this tewin, it sounds like a dreadful situation for you (and not just you but for your children and dh too really).

Have you talked with him recently about this?

Have you tried Relate at all? Are you really sure it's best for your children to be living in such an environment? If you separated you might be much happier and surely that would ave a beneficial effect on them?

I am so sorry to hear you are feeling like this, I went through a horrible phases like this after my dd was born and we did end up splitting which was one of the scariest things I ever went through.

I know it feels impossible now but if you need to cope on your own you will do , and you do deserve to have a partner who loves you and wants to be with you. In fact you will do better than cope. I look back on the dark days of my marriage now and can't believe I am that person and I stayed in such a loveless marraige due to low self esteem. It has taken time but my dd is now so happy because I am happy and we have a lovely life surrounded by people who love us and want to be with us.

Take care

we went to relate a couple of years ago when he wanted out but we can talk and so stopped. He tells me he is here for the children, I am too but i do still love him and know it can be good aagain, there is no one else involved but I cant live without my kids giving up to access etc. He doesnt seem to care about lack of affection. thats what he says anyway

How heartbreaking to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't care about you though. Is that a good example to be setting the children?

i know its bad for the children and DH has started being rude to me in front of children. he is very sarcastic and manipulative he twists it all to me to show me as the bad one. I would rather die than be without my kids for even one day. DH is very insecure i think and is afraid to let his guard down in case he gets hurt, i just cannot break thro to him. we were so in love b4 kids.

how long were you together before the kids? What exactly happened to change your relationship? How can he still feel distant from you because of PND? Does he understand properly how it affects women?

I know this is hard because I have been there, I had friends and family begging me to leave my ex before I did as I remember the love we once had and I thought I could make it return. You can't make someone love you though.

My ex started like yours by ignoring me and then making comments which then turned into bullying and eventually violence. I am not saying that your ex would ever be violent but he is making you unhappy.

I did not leave my ex in time and I ended up in hospital with social services watching me like a hawk. From the outside I had a perfect life unless you were one of the few in the know.

I know this is hard and if you can make it work that is fantastic but if you can't please move on and build a life full of people who do love and respect you.

Your children will model their future relationships and expectations on what they see in their home as they grow up. You owe it to them and to yourself to make their early life experiences as positive as possible.

I hope you don't think I am being harsh, I really do feel for you, as I read your post I could feel all the anxious feelins that I assiate with that very dark period of my life returning.

Take care.

But if the last time you were happy was before the kids that was over a decade ago.

we were so in love and then ivf 3rd try DD was born 12wks prem. we both suffered in silence alone and not united. 2 ectopic pregnancies and and a final ivf DS. No he does not understand PND and dont think he even wants to. I have had no family around or help parents died before kids arrived and his live abroad. He is very successful and created a wall round himself and NEEDS no one. He doesnt understand women at all no matter how I have tried to talk to him. To top it all I am menopausal now and cry at the drop of a hat.

he insists he believes i dont care about himanymore and although i do it is hard to show it as i am so scared of rejection. this is so vile

Do you have no other family around you or close friends whom you could confide in or ask for support?

i feel i am all done in of dumping on my friends, thats why i came here. I know friends are always there for you but i feel too guilty to just keep on going on about it. I truely believe DH would benefit from counselling but he is one of those men who knows everything and everyone else talks rubbish. we have so much to live for, i would die for my babies.

you sound as if you would have to leave the children with your husband. Is that the case?

def not NicNak2 I CANNOT be without them for even one day.

But wouldn't being without them for a few hours once a weeb be better than living how you are now - in your own words a vile situation 24/7.

once a week sorry!

so you wont tell him you love him
he deoesn't know you love him
he works a lot
and isn't psychic.

why the fucking about - this is your marriage for gods sake - sit at the dining room table and tell him you love him.

or leave him.

Custardo I think you should come to my house once a month to sort dp and I out! We would probably all get on a lot better.

actually custardo he knows exactly how I feel, he chooses the hurt approach "you dont care about me" as I said he is in my opinion insecure and acting like a kid. after a really bad row last nite he is actually making huge effort today.

My menopausal state makes me ultra sensitive to his behaviour at times.