don't know what to do for the best

[frustratedashell]

I am 53 quite attractive intelligent etc. I suffer with depression and it's got worse again lately. The thing is I started a new relationship about 2 months ago, it's been a whirlwind romance. But we live a 3 hours train journey apart, I drive but don't have a car. I have started going up there most weekends, he pays for the train fare most of the time. We thought this was it, soul mates etc. But my depression is now bad and I'm having doubts. I was going to up sticks and move up there. But it feels like it's me doing all the giving. He can't move cos he has his own business. I understand that. I was unsure of starting a relationship with him cos of the distance. I feel like I live for Friday to Monday. I only work a few hours a week and don't have much money. I have no energy cos I also have an under active thyroid. I feel like my life isin limbo. I need to sort myself out. Sort out my depression and my life. I'm wondering if I should end the relationship. We both love each other so much but I'm so unhappy. I'm going up to stay on Friday for the weekend. We both know we have to talk. I'm worried, depressed and confused. Your thoughts please !

I'd say the fair thing to do would be to take a big step back, tackle the depression and get your confidence & energy back. If you feel like you're the one making all the effort, it's probably because you are. If the relationship coincided with an increase in your depression symptoms, it's probably a bad relationship. Very handy for him to have you spending six hours on trains every weekend but where's the consideration for your health or the reciprocity? 'Whirlwind' is not necessarily a good thing... can mean someone is being very pushy.

I would cancel Friday and instead spend the weekend relaxing doing what you used to do before you met him, recharging your batteries and working out what you really want out of a relationship.

There are reasons why I go up there, he used to come down here to start with. He's not overly keen on me doing the travelling but it's practical and more economical. Yes I know we have probably moved to fast. My mum is going mad about it! Yes I know i need to sort my health out. I just feel that either moving up there or ending the relationship would be better than me being stuck in limbo, which I hate. I think this is possibly the reason that my depression has got worse. Thank you for your suggestions. But I think I need to go up there so we can talk.

Hi Frustrated, please take it from me that you need to sort out the travelling Q now. I'm currently at the end of my rope with my LDR. Over a year I've been to him about 20 times at £150 quid a time, he's been to me three times. I am massively resentful and ready to call it a day. Don't waste a year like me. Talk about it now.

Thanks yes I will.

Good luck!

Thanks!