For several years DH and I have grown increasingly distant. We have been together for 20 years and busy raising a young family. It has been hard to feel reconnected like we used to be. Sex is happening less than every 6 weeks and I've been anxious and lonely, sensing that something is really wrong. There is no handholding, no cuddling on the sofa.
I haven't found much to talk about with him except the children and his work. It is a sore point with him that he doesn't have many friends. He works long hours and I have encouraged him to take up a hobby to relax & socialise but he declined. He is often abrupt with me or doesn't look up when I walk in the room.
So imagine my huge surprise when I recently discovered he is a very active member of an internet music forum community. Over 9 years he has posted over 9000 messages, averaging between 5 and 10 every two days. He has dozens of online acquaintances and he has even met some of these people at concerts (to which I'm never invited). They recommend radio/TV programmes to each other, commiserate on bereavements and illnesses and miss members when they stop posting. He has never ever mentioned these characters or how big a part this site plays in his life.
My problem is the lack of openness and honesty. Then there are all the times he has missed family time opportunities (bath time, trips out) because he has preferred to drink alcohol on his own while browsing this site. Many days he has visited it morning, noon and evening, including before work and at work. I feel well and truly shut out of his life and that if he had shared this interest with me I would not have become so unhappy. I am also wondering what else he isn't telling me.
Would you feel the same or am I overreacting?