DS and ExH relationship

[catkin14]

My H and I split up nearly 4 months ago now.
We have 3 DS, 2 are in their 20's and one is teenager and he lives with me.
At first in his tearful stage H was all over DS, had to see them every weekend and sometimes in week, but after 5 weeks this stopped.
He struggles now to fit them in once every 3 weeks.

I have told DS if he wants to see more of his dad he needs to tell him.
Recently H went on holiday and told none of his family he was going, and DS no3 was hurt by that, that he hadnt asked him to go or even told him he was going.

Do I tell ExH that he should try to see DS more often or just leave him to do his own thing?
I am not supprised this has happened, he paid them very little attention when we were together unless it was to find fault or criticise but im not sure if i should step in or not..

How old is DS3, catkin?

He is 14, nearly 15

I'm guessing that you think a word from you to your ExH will fall on deaf ears?

14 nearly 15 is pretty well at the age when your DS will have to start making his own relationship with his father. Your support and guidance will be invaluable to him but that apart, I would let him do it himself.

Sounds like XH has a new partner and is following his cock. Did you throw him out for infidelity in the first place? Do you think he would listen to you if you asked him to make more time for DS or will he just whine and take no notice?

Why would ex listen to you? You could pass on the information that ds is upset but you can't tell him what to do just as he cannot tell you what to do.

Just pass on the message that ds would
Like to see him more.
The rest is up to him

And for you to support ds and agree that yes it was a horrible thing to do.
But don't let ds think you can control ex because you cannot.

No we didnt split for infidelity reasons, exH was EA to both me and DS and I just had enough of living in fear of it all.
All my fault of course....

I have suggested to ExH that DS would lie to spend more time with him and will now leave to him to arrange.
DS is now telling his friends that he (DS) has been diagnosed bipolar.. not sure what thats about but I am a bit concerned. Its not true btw.