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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Feeling abit lost and abit "this is all new"

20 replies

MySonIsMyWorld · 02/07/2013 20:43

I'm back!! Ive been gone a while but now im back!

I'm in a new relationship have been for 6 months now and I must admit its going great, DS is calling him Daddy already ( I know some of you may think that's really too quick but he did it on his own) DS is 2 and new fella has taken him on as his own. I am extremely happy and everything is great however I feel lost. Everything is new and scary and im lost, ive realised I have next to no mates what so ever and I literally (apart from family) am on my own. I listen to DP talking about his mates and stuff and I literally have no imput he tells me stuff he likes and I just sit there thinking "what DO I like?" I feel lost....

I don't know even know what colours I like?! WTF?
Help?

Has anyone ever felt like this comparing themselves to dp?

Sorry its abit jumbled xx

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 02/07/2013 20:56

OP, I really am concerned that your son is calling him "Daddy" already. Do you live together? You have moved very, very fast with this relationship, don't you think?

Don't you think you should live with your son and learn what you like before you get too involved in a relationship?

Original poster
MySonIsMyWorld · 02/07/2013 20:59

Imperial - Yes we live together. It has moved fast but it doesn't in any sense feel wrong at all its almost like we have always always been together if you get me?

That's the problem I don't think I could learn "me" being on my own with my son because Im always doing stuff for him/with him and I don't get anytime to think what I like

Head is very mashed

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 02/07/2013 21:01

I've just looked at your past threads and your ex only left in February. OP, it's only just July now! How long were you on your own between the two men?

HerrenaHarridan · 02/07/2013 21:06

Oh dear, I do hope for everyone's sake you not stumbling from one bad relationship to another.

Once in a blue moon crazy things like this work out and since its too late to back pedal I sincerely hope this is one of those times. My cousin went out to night club one eve got ragingly drunk, flirted with every own is bearer in the house and went home with some bloke called "Jon" Hmm

11 years and 3 kids later...Smile

But you so need to do a bit of soul searching.

What is your favourite colour?

ImperialBlether · 02/07/2013 21:09

Do you go out to work and spend time with other adults? Does your son go to nursery, to give you time and space to yourself? I think this is what you need at the moment.

You found it very stressful living with your ex and with your child (to be honest, I'd be in prison now if I'd had to live with your ex!) and now you've moved in with a new man that you actually don't know very well, without giving yourself time to relax and be used to being on your own.

Are you scared of being alone (with your son)? Have you ever lived alone?

At the moment, whose house/flat is it? Who moved in?

Does your new partner go out to work?

Lweji · 02/07/2013 21:15

Do you think you need to have an identity through other people?
Your son? A partner?

Doing things for your son should not prevent you from knowing what you like, and thinking for yourself.

Could you afford counselling?

Original poster
MySonIsMyWorld · 02/07/2013 21:19

Ex left in feb for deffo but he was in and out in between from June last year, he didn't live with us for a while so I've been on my own. So yeah I've lived alone and I liked it at times hated it at others.

I feel very happy in my new relationship things are really good I just feel lost inside me....I don't think its because i've not spent time on my own with out a dp I think its because i'm that enveloped in doing stuff for ds I don't get a minute to think and then when I do have the odd minute I collapse with exhaustion.
I don't work, DS doesn't go to nursery yet but have been told I can get up to 10 hours free so i'm completing paper work as I type!

Its my house (rented) he has moved in and yeah he works mon - sat 8- 6.30.

I think my favourite colour is red :) thinking hard*

OP posts:
Changeasgoodas · 02/07/2013 21:22

I saw from your other post that you are 20 yrs old? Lots of people change their likes and interests and their friends circle at your stage in life so this is as good a time as any to discover yourself. You have been in a nasty, violent relationship, it's no wonder you didn't feel safe to be yourself but now you should be able to be safe to be yourself?

I hope for you that your new relationship works out but I am worried for your DS that he will form an attachment to this man who might not work out.

I would certainly ask your GP about counselling or see if there is any counselling service in your area because a counsellor can help you with this self-discovery and help you examine your relationship patterns.

Original poster
MySonIsMyWorld · 02/07/2013 21:32

Yes I am only 21, I hope your right that this is a good time to discover myself.

I was concern about DS calling DP daddy but how can you stop a 2 year old calling him daddy when he did it on his own?

OP posts:
Offred · 02/07/2013 21:36

You need to explain to ds that he isn't daddy, he is mum's boyfriend. Same as you would correct him over anything else. You will harm your son allowing him to call a boyfriend daddy.

Offred · 02/07/2013 21:39

Are you doing too much with ds. I'm not sure it really should feel so intense as you describe with one two year old and you could make more time for you I bet. Lots of first time parents fall into a trap of doing too much I think.

ImperialBlether · 02/07/2013 21:44

I hadn't realised you are only 21, OP. You've been through a hell of a lot, haven't you?

I think it's time you focused on yourself for a while. If you can sort out a nursery place for your son, could you perhaps consider going back to college? You would meet new friends and it would help give you your own identity and give you something to talk about in the evenings with your DP. All colleges are recruiting from now onwards for September and there's always someone there to talk you through your options.

ImperialBlether · 02/07/2013 21:45

Does your son see his father? There could be serious implications if he knows your son is calling another man "daddy".

EhricLovesTeamQhuay · 02/07/2013 21:49

Are you fucking kidding? You met a guy 6 months ago and you moved him in and your son calls him daddy? I know you are young but you are a parent and you need to be far more responsible than that where your son is concerned. This guy isn't his daddy and you should not encourage your son to call him that, or your boyfriend to consider himself daddy. That is irresponsible and not fair on your son.

VitoCorleone · 02/07/2013 21:49

I agree your son shouldnt be calling your new partner daddy, you need to nip that in the bud, every time he calls him daddy you need to correct him with "no sweetie, this is xxx"

I dont know your past history (other than whats been mentioned on this thread) but it does sound like you need to get to know yourself

When DS starts his free nursary place could you try and find a little part time job? That way you can meet new people, have a bit more of a social life, you will start to feel like you again and not just DSs mum.

TheSecondComing · 02/07/2013 21:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Heartbrokenmum73 · 02/07/2013 21:52

OP, I'm also very concerned about your son calling this man daddy and also your seemingly 'oh, how sweet, my DS loves my new boyfriend' attitude. Your age is really showing in your postings here (I haven't read your earlier ones) and I agree that you need time to find yourself again. I also think it was wrong to move your new boyfriend in so soon. Sorry.

kinkyfuckery · 02/07/2013 21:57

You don't know how to stop him calling some random bloke Daddy? You TELL him to stop! You're his mother, start acting like it.

kinkyfuckery · 02/07/2013 22:01

How can you be with someone for 6 months when you weren't even seeing him less than 4 months ago? Confused How long have you been living together?

TheSecondComing · 02/07/2013 22:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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