Blame for miscarriage

[NoRainNoRainbow]

After reading a similar thread last week, and thinking about my own experience with this, I'm concerned for my friend that whats she's dealing with is not normal.

She has PCOS, and has suffered 2 miscarriages. Her DH has made it abundantly clear it's alllllll heeeeerrrr fauuuullllttt. And he could have kids with anyone else he wanted. And she's damaged goods, she should be grateful he sticks around etc

Him, and his family make jokes and digs in front of people it's vile to watch. And I've made myself a few enemies by pulling them up on it. But I don't want to rock the boat too much incase he won't let her see me any more (yes it's like that )

I had this, when I had to have a TFMR, but he left so it wasn't prolonged, thinking about the things he said to me, it still stings, but as I have DS and read these boards I can see it was not my fault iykwim?

But my friend, she's just destroyed she believes him and copies the things he says about her, to other People, it's so distressing to see her like this.

Has anyone else experienced this? Wrt miscarriage, infertility etc. is it a reaction that can be explained, or is he just an abusive wank weasel?

loulybelle that's a good point thank you! I hadn't thought of it that way but you are spot on.

He is scum.

He is an abusive scum.

He will continue to be an abusive scum.

That said, if you friend isn't ready to accept this then all you can do is be there for emotional support and gently try and get her to see him for what he is.

Harshly, I am not sure a child is the best outcome of this relationship however upsetting that my be to your friend.

If he can't support her through this where does all the blame end? How long till this escalates?

They are vile her husband and inlaws.

My dh has excellent sperm quality, all problems we've had with I fertility lie with my body. All through it my husband has loved and supported me. He reassures me, when I get upset its my fault. When are our long awaited pregnancy ended in a missed misscarriage 3 weeks ago, he grieved with me and supported me. But then he is a REAL man not a vicious bully like your poor friends husband.

My Mil who is far from my biggest fan has been nothing but supportive to us, despite wanting to be a grandparent very badly. She doesn't like me very much but as a decent human being has empathy for my pain.

Your poor friend she is going through so much and these people are breaking her. I doubt having a baby will change them, they will simply find other reasons to abuse her :-(

What a bunch of arseholes, him and all his family.
I have PCOS as well and DP would never have dreamed saying anything like this, why would he, he loves me. I could not be with someone like this. He is an abuser. What a vile man and vile family. Your poor friend.

"I know, if push come to shove she would defend him to the death"

Then, sadly, you can't help this friend. Much as you want to intervene and get her to see sense, it is not your responsibility to rescue her & she has to initiate any change in her life herself. You've pointed out that she's in an abusive relationship, she's not accepting it and therefore, like a lot of abuse victims damaged by years of having their insecurities exposed on a daily basis, she's trapped in that terrible place where all the alternatives seem too unpleasant, difficult or frightening to take up.

My honest suggestion is to make one last serious stab at getting her to understand that she's with an abusive man, tell her that when she decides to leave you'll be there for her... but then take a big step back. You cannot always help but you can make yourself very miserable in the process.