Sorry for the name change and rather crude title but I don't know how else to put it. DP was very affectionate and attentive at the beginning of our relationship but now barely comes near me. We rarely have sex unless I initiate it and when we get into bed he doesn't touch me or caress me or do any of the stuff you'd expect your lover to do. I often stroke him, massage him, kiss his neck/belly/chest etc - I get none of that back. Just a quick kiss on the lips from him - nothing more than that unless by some miracle of god he fancies a shag and then he sticks his hands between my legs - no stroking, no caressing - just straight down to cold foreplay (if you can even call it that). I had it out with him, told him I felt like I needed more affection from him - he said he'd put more effort in. He came onto me for sex that night but again it was simply a case of sticking his hands between my legs and 'pressing buttons' - a bit like fiddling around with something until it does what you want it to. Not because you care about it, just because you need it to do something for you.
I had it out with him again. He said he didn't agree with me and that he does do all of the stuff I ask him to and more. He went on about how he does anything I ask him to around the house, building/fixing things, how he'll buy me whatever I ask for, how he'll do anything I ask him to - and yeah, he does do all that but the one thing I REALLY, REALLY need more than a new shed, a new dress, decking in the garden or a new bath installing - is affection.
So, Sunday morning, lazy day - we don't need to be up for anything and we'd had a lie in, I could tell he was more or less awake anyway so I start massaging his back and his shoulders in bed. He makes all the right noises so I'm assuming he doesn't want me to stop. I carry on, start kissing him, move my hands down and start touching him, he moves himself into a position to make himself more accessible to me - so I'm justified in thinking he wants me to carry on, right? I'll cut the details but the jist of it is I ended up giving him a bj. He came. And never said a word the entire time. Not whilst I was doing it, not after he came - nothing. It was like he didn't even notice I'd done anything. I'm feeling rather frustrated at getting no response so I move his hand onto me, he touches me for a few seconds and then stops. He couldn't even be arsed after that. He never did mention it. about 15 minutes later he just said about getting up and getting some gardening done. I was thinking "did you even notice????"
I had it out with him later. His excuse was "I was tired". I said "really? not too tired to let me carry on doing things to you though, right?" and he said "You would have got upset if I'd told you to stop".
AIBU to expect just SOME acknowledgement and .... god forbid .... the occasional spot of affection back??