How to have a family meeting

[hillyhilly]

I'm seriously pissed off with both the kids and my dh at the moment.
Some of the reasons are in common to both and some are individual.
So, I thought that this evening I'd try to have a calm chat with them and address the issues. Kids will be done separately to dh, partly due to timing and partly due to not wanting them to hear what I think I want to say to him.

I have some time today and feel I should prepare, much in the way I did before an important work meeting, I know myself of old that if its difficult to say and I don't write it down I won't say it and I'm also worried that with dh I'll get upset and be unable to stay calm and actually make some progress..

One of the issues with dh particularly but also for the kids is that its the same old, same old, for them it's the mornings especially, getting ready for school. We address it, it improves then it slides back.
Dh is a bit more complex but that's essentially the core frustration, do I have to decide whether or not I can live the rest of my life with a dh who behaves in that way? This is what upsets me as I don't want to split up.

Has anyone held a family meeting in this way successfully, what can I do to help myself today?

How old are the kids?

I do a family "pow-wow" (DS is only 5 so likes the word!)

We sit down, I start by saying why we're having a talk. Put my side across. The rule is we listen to what everyone has to say, no interrupting, everyone has their say. Then at the end, we agree how we're now going to deal with xyz then all have a cuddle.

Try not to get sidetracked, focus on the important matter. I keep our simple as possible else it can turn into an overloaded rant-fest.

To be honest, I probably wouldn't have things written down as that would appear a bit too formal for me. But whatever works for you! Good luck

I drew a big diagram for my husband last year, showing all the things I was responsible for and which were shared and what he had responsibility for. He was shocked that I'd done that so he paid attention...and the visual aid definitely helped my cause as he does not take in spoken words easily!

I gave him warning that we would need to chat after the kids were asleep...I think.

I did not have a plan on how to address the issues, because that was part of the problem, iyswim...I was always sorting things out. So I said, "Here are the facts as I see them. Would you disagree with any of this?" He made a few amendments to my diagram.

Then I said, 'Fine, I see what you mean there, fair enough. But I'm not coping with this. Something needs to change.' And he made a really good suggestion which has helped a lot but which I would never have thought of.

We also instituted money meetings as we were terrible at talking about money. They've petered out now but I think we have better baseline communication going on.

With the kids, mine are quite used to me saying (all the freaking time) 'We need to sort this issue out. Any suggestions?' and then having some sort of reward chart or something.

I'm quite business-like at home in some ways...I feel like a home manager so I use good management techniques. . Some people think that is cold but I have found the opposite. More room for love when the wheels run smoothly.

My approach to family meetings is, in a nutshell, a) here is what's going wrong, b) how can we do it better? and c) how do we make sure we don't backslide?.... There's probably some catchy management mnemonic for the process but I think it's important that everyone engages and agrees on the 'how can we do it better?' part and even more important that you have a quality control/review/feedback loop to check progress. Agree with the above to keep it very simple and to one or two topics only.