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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling down, fed up, unwanted and a bit worthless really :-(

2 replies

GinaBron · 02/07/2013 10:53

DP and I set off for Glastonbury festival last Wednesday. It was my first ever festival and a bucket list entry. We arrive, pitch the tent up and quickly make friends with a group of festival goers camped next to us. By Thursday night, we were in their tent partying and having a rather good time. Drink was flowing and DP was getting on amazingly with them. Me on the other hand was rather shy and a bit awkward. Then cannabis started being passed around - DP took to it straight away (we are both ex users, I stopped when I was about 17, he stopped in his early 20s, we didn't know each other back then, it's just coincidence). I knew I shouldn't do it but as I say I was feeling so out of place and awkward I took it. We were smoking and drinking - getting more and more out of it and then DP was offered ecstasy. I was thinking what the fuck is going on here, this is going way too far - he took it. Then I was offered half a tablet. I said no. People started laughing. I felt like the stupid tag along friend that nobody really likes - flashback to school. DP said "it won't do anything to you, it will just make you feel happy" I'm an idiot but I took it. I don't remember much else after that.

The rest of the festival was a bit weird. I felt shit - DP was rushing around and dragging me all over to see the stuff he wanted to see, bypassing the stuff I'd been looking forward to seeing. I was so tired. I got sunburnt. My feet were killing. I couldn't face alcohol after that first night and I saw DP sit down in the grass and stare into space - I got the impression he was thinking back to when he and his ex wife would frequent the festival. She was probably much better at it than me. Like apparently she is in most ways such as housework and looking after the kids. I was feeling more and more lonely. On Saturday night we got back to the tent and the 'neighbours' were up partying. DP wanted to join them. I sat with them for a bit but the dope came back out, DP was getting so stoned and I just couldn't deal with it. I went back to our tent and got into bed. Laid there by myself freezing to death listening to everyone around me partying, music playing, everyone having a great time. I thought I heard DP slagging off our relationship to the neighbours and talking about his ex wife. He swears he didn't but I'm sure I heard that so on Sunday I felt really angry at him and upset. At one point we started having a bit of a heart to heart and I told him how I really felt about everything and he sat there and laughed at me. We argued for the rest of the day. I felt so low.

We did make up before we went to sleep but it was so strained and we really upset each other and it felt like we'd made up simply because it was the last day of the festival.

Anyway, we got home and found out that my ex had been slagging me off to my kids, saying they're not fed or clothed properly and his maintanance obviously goes on things like glastonbury rather than the kids. He'd apparantly told the kids not to believe we're as "well off" as we try and make out (we don't) because most of what we do is probably paid for with credit cards (it's not) and that I'm an irresponsible parent and a shit mother basically. Upon hearing this DP kicks off saying I have no balls and it's about time I stuck up for myself - I apparantly encourage my kids to be shit stirers because I talk to them about adult stuff (I don't) and he can't get his head around how we work as a family because his last family was nothing like it - obviously his kids are absolutely perfect and his ex wife was Mary Poppins reborn.

So to top it all off, DP received a number of texts from the guys we met at the festival when we got home (they have my number too, I heard nothing). DP tells them his and my facebook names and tells them to look us up - One of the women then sends DP a friend request. i again, receive nothing. So I make the effort and I send her a friend request - nothing.

I just feel so shit right now. My ex hates me and goes out of his way to make me miserable, my kids seem to hate me and encourage their father by saying I buy shit food and they have to spend their own money on sweets because I don't buy them anything, my own DP seems to pine after his old family because me and mine are just so shit in comparrison and even the guys at the festival want nothing to do with me.

Feeling so fed up and alone.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 02/07/2013 11:17

Drug-sparked paranoia and low moods.... hold the front page.... Hmm Seriously, I think what's happening here is that you realise you've compromised your values by aping your DP's childish behaviour at the festival, 'making up' in an insincere way and, as a result, you don't like yourself very much today. To add insult to injury, you suspect (rightly) that your Ex and your DP hold you in different kinds of contempt. The former going well below the belt with the 'shit mother' accusation and colluding against you with your kids, the latter either laughing at you when you share personal concerns or accusing you of being weak.

My personal response to both these pathetic men would be 'screw the lot of you'... and get shot. Don't waste your life with anyone who makes you feel crap or brings out your insecurities that you don't measure up to previous partners etc . Obviously easier said than done but I don't see that either of these men is adding anything positive to your life.

Make a stand... Good luck

Wilding · 02/07/2013 11:18

Oh my love. I don't really have any helpful advice but I didn't want to read and run. I'm sorry you're feeling so shit but I think a lot of the way you're feeling is down to taking drugs at the weekend. The comedown from ecstasy can last for quite a long time and when you combine it with smoking cannabis and drinking over the weekend it can leave you in a total mess. Please hold on to the fact that a lot of your depression is chemically-induced and will go away.

I'm sorry that you didn't enjoy Glastonbury that much but to be honest, I've been several times and there has always been a point during the festival when I've felt like shit, wanted to crawl into my tent and hide and collapsed in a crying heap - and this is without taking any drugs whatsoever! It is amazing but it's also really hard work, you're spending all day trudging around and standing up and it's knackering. There's also an immense pressure to be having the best time ever so you can feel like a bit of a failure if you're not having fun all the time - but please don't.

It sounds like your DP is being a bit of a dick. Try and be kind to yourself this week - eat lots of vitamin C & potassium (bananas etc) to get your serotonin levels back up, watch some comforting films and snuggle up with your children (if they're still young enough to let you!) You are not worthless.

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