The Power and the Glory

[cronullansw]

PamOove said;

''Take the power back. Kick him out'' in a.n.other cheating thread.

Whenever I've previously suggested it's all about power / control, I've been told I was being foolish; or just plain wrong

So, bottom line; how much of it is it all about power and control?

Maybe affairs are a lot about power and control but I don't necessarily think in a meglomania type way. Maybe someone has got to the point in their relationship where they feel they have no control and no say and this is their way out. People exert control in all kinds of weird ways- anorexia, self harm, abuse. The healthy way would be to actually take control of your life and say that you are unhappy and want something to change but maybe that does not feel achievable.

From the other side maybe not kicking him out is equally a way of taking control. Because suddenly you have control- you have a hold on them, you have the ability to punish them and they cannot do anything about it. Or in the healthy response camp you have a way to take control together and change things around.

All of life is about control. It is about whether you are in control of yourself of others and whether you are doing it in a healthy way or not. The main source of unhappiness in the world is lack of control over your life. It is how you choose to deal with that and how you make yourself feel you are back in control that makes the difference

Bad human relationships usually feature power and control. That's why they're bad.

Good relationships feature qualities such as equality, mutual respect, love and team-work. In a good relationship, there is no power imbalance and no-one is trying to control anyone else.

When on the receiving end of ill treatment, whether that's in the shape of a domineering co-worker, an overpowering friend, an interfering IL, or an unfaithful partner, the net effect of doing nothing will be frustration, misery, resentment, even self-loathing. Over time the weaker party in a bad relationship will lose confidence and self-respect, doubting their own judgement especially if they believe they have to tolerate the intolerable in order to maintain the relationship. So if someone finds themselves in a bad relationship and the victim of someone else's bad behaviour, restoring balance - being assertive, setting boundaries, making a stand, taking back the power etc - is always very good advice.