MN jury - What should I do about this offer of a wad cash from toxic father?

[PartTimePunk]

Some background - I cut off contact with my Dad over 5 years ago as he is a horrible bullying, physically and emotionally abusive, manipulative git. He has got me into all sorts of trouble, including forging my signature on mortgage documents, having a photo ID and a bank account in my name without my consent...

He has tried several tactics over the years to try and force contact. This has included phoning my home, leaving threatening voicemails, banging on my front door and shouting abuse, sitting outside my house in his car. He's also tried being charming and friendly, sending me chatty emails and letters as if everything is normal. I've ignored it all.

His latest stunt... he's sent me an email saying he wants to give me a thousand pounds. He says he must give it to me in cash and he will hand deliver it through my letterbox. If he doesn't get a response from me within a week he will assume I am happy to accept the money and he will go ahead.

A small part of me thinks that I should take the cash and view it as compensation for the amount of pure stress and aggravation the asshole has caused me over the years. On the other hand, if I take his money he will think I'm beholden to him for evermore.

I think I'm most pissed off at the fact he's forcing contact again by stating that he'll go ahead if he doesn't hear from me.

So MN jury, WWYD - give me some ideas please on how to deal with this asshole!

Yeah, I want him totally out of my life while avoiding bringing a load of complications down on myself. I'm not even sure I have enough information for the authorities to investigate him, and I also liked keeping the threat of reporting him in reserve. Not that I have ever threatened him - too scared - but the thought that perhaps I could is somehow a little reassuring.

I'm rambling now and clearly need sleep! Thanks all

You can get non-mol orders against family members, because the law recognises that people are not property therefore an adult is fully entitled to refuse contact with another, andthe right of the person to be left alone trumps the right of the other person to seek contact. A solictor's letter to him is definitely the way to start. Best of luck.

ignore the email, ignore the money if it comes.

Say no to the cash. Even if you're on your beam ends, you will always get satisfaction from the knowledge that you maintained your self-respect and didn't sell out for a few pieces of silver....

I wouldn't contact him to say no, even through a solicitor. That could cost you money and it's not fair. Ignore the email. If the cash comes, keep it on the side and give it back to him when he comes rollicking round next time.

Better still, take it to the police.

he's sent me an email saying he wants to give me a thousand pounds. He says he must give it to me in cash and he will hand deliver it through my letterbox. If he doesn't get a response from me within a week he will assume I am happy to accept the money and he will go ahead.

What's so clever about this? If he posts the cash and gets no receipt then you can swear blind that you never received it.

Then use his cash to pay solicitors for advice.

This is a tactic often used by toxic parents to further gain control over their child now adult. Its certainly not being done out of any altruistic need or even compensation for all the crap he's dished out to you over the years. Its purely about power and control.

He is committing a criminal offence anyway in law by leaving you threatening messages and e-mails. Such disordered people as well do think they are above the law. Send any e-mails to spam but keep them as evidence.

Do not take the money under any circumstances, he will use it as a stick to further beat you with. I would agree with previous counsel advising you to seek legal advice re taking out a non molestation order against your father.

What a devious wanker trying to force you to speak to him like this.

Can you speak to your postie & a neighbour if you have a trusted one and let them know you have issues with someone delivering unwanted items through your letter box and can he leave your mail there for a fortnight in the hopes they back off.

Or speak to the post office and have your mail held some where for a few weeks if you can collect from elsewhere.

Then board up your letter box if you can.

Or as others suggest a solicitors letter stating you do not want his money, you do not want any further contact and if he gets in touch with you or sends you any gifts you will go to the police under harrassment laws.

I bet if you don't contact him you wont actually see the money...

You can tell your solicitor his past actions, they will not report it to police without your consent.

I really would get a solicitor's letter sent to him, and ignore him.