What to tell DD about her estranged Aunty

[MilestoneMum]

My Dsis hasn't been in touch for 6 months due to a family feud about finances. I can't see us ever reconciling as the matter looks likely to go to court.

But I don't know what to tell my DD, who is 4.9, when she asks about her Aunty. Any ideas/experience?

Tough one. Not sure what you should say, but I'd suggest that you don't say anything that isn't true - even if you choose to say very little IYSWIM.

Could you say that the grown-ups have had an argument / aunty has done something you think is wrong (depending how far you want to go) and so you won't be seeing her for a while?

You could add that it's sad that it means she can't see her aunty and that you are sad that she's sad (!) but sometimes things like this happen.

If your DD really misses her, would it be worth trying some written contact? She could send her aunty a picture and you could send it with a note saying that you'd be happy to let her correspond with her niece as long as she keeps it light, appropriate and off contentious topics?

This might all be way off the mark, hard to say without knowing more.

I haven't seen my niece (now 19 and who I've been close to since I met my DH when she was 3) for a couple of years because her mum had a fit of jealous rage when I lost weight (seriously, I'm not making it up) and banned contact. It hurts like mad and I really miss her - just hope it won't be long before she feels able to be in contact.

Good luck.

I used to tell ds that I wasn't seeing Grandad at the moment because he'd believed people who lied to him instead of believing his family.

I didn't find this a very satisfactory thing to say, and it was one of the factors that led me to get back in touch with my dad (relationship not exactly humming along but we are getting there).

If you find it difficult to explain why you are not in touch with someone, it may be that the reason isn't a particularly good one?

IME little girls are pretty clued up on the idea of what it means to be friends with someone, to fall out, to make up again. In 'Kid World' this happens with monotonous regularity and it's no biggie. So if you say that Auntie has really annoyed you and you've fallen out, I think she'll get it no problem. You don't to have to explain the gory details

Yes, I think DD could definitely understand friends break up as she has first-hand experience of this from nursery!

However, I don't want DD to think it is acceptable for family members to break up - I never want to lose DD and would never want to not be on speaking terms with her.

I know there are always two sides to a story, but Dsis has done wrong.