Long story short, not sure whether to go non-contact with the small family I have.
My mother has always been very negative (couldn't think of a better word to describe physical and mental abuse) in all her dealings with me, no father on scene. Very small gap between myself and older sibling, he was golden child so much so that his nickname then, and now, totally reflects this - you'd piss yourself laughing if I told you it, don't want to put on here as its very distinct. I was told from a young age that I was an accident and that my mothers real daughter was blonde and brown-eyed (I am brunette with blue eyes) and we were switched in the hospital. Obvious differences between my sibling and I were things like me being woken in the middle of the night to tidy room, whilst sibling left sleeping (regular occurrence), always ready to hit/belittle me at any given opportunity, I was never as good as sibling (got 99% in exam to be asked by her "why didn't you get 100%),sibling got to go on numerous school ec trips, not even one for me. Never any positive contact like cuddling, hugging etc. and to this day I am very particular about personal space and can't stand being touched. No friends of mine were ever allowed back and any friends I did have were slagged of to the nth degree.
Large gap between us and youngest sibling, who at the age of 26 still lives with mother and has a ds (age 6). Again, youngest sibling was treated as you'd expect any child to be treated - hugs, reading, trips etc. I was used as baby-sitter from age 11 and had to take sibling with me if I wanted to gout to friends houses etc. strangely, not too many girls are that keep to have a 3 yo as an extra visitor when they are 14/15.
I went off the rails a bit, no more than any other teenager - underage sex (wonder why?!), drinking but not massively. Was battered with a walking stick and chucked out eventually.
Met DH, huge backstory, and eventually moved some distance away. Now have 4 dcs of my own, and since living here mother has visited 3 times. Once on her way back from visiting older dc (this was just after the birth of her first grandchild), once when visiting another relative and during/after the run up to our wedding where she behaved horrendously.
Anyway,I have stayed in touch mainly for the benefits of my dcs as we don't have a large family, but have recently seen various messages from my mother and older sibling making reference to my brats (who my mother enthused about during our last visit and couldn't believe how lovely they were [maybe if she was in touch more often she'd fucking know]), saying they should send a gift to my awful neighbours, running down my DH,who has put up with various shit from her for 15+ years, and basically slagging me off for not being "normal" and basically being a cold-fish as I don't volunteer much info about my life to them.
Over the last 8 years I've hoped that she'd eventually show some interest in my dcs, but it's become blatantly obvious she prefers my siblings child (who lives with her). During calls (she phones me when she wants something, I don't tend to call her) all I hear about is my siblings child and the is never ever any queries as to her other four gc,literally none. I've even taken to saying "all the children are fine, thanks for asking" at the end of calls now to highlight the disparity in the way she treats them. I try and try to forge a relationship but what's the point if underneath the conversations she thinks her own gc are brats, my husbands a dick and I'm some sort of cold unemotional bitch? Which, I'm sooo not, I just try to limit what I tell her so she can't ruin/slag off what I'm up too.
Not really sure what I want from this, but I'm so fucking angry at seeing those messages (don't ask me how). Why the fuck would you be hell bent on ruining your children's relationships with each other, especially when you have a life limiting illness, and what sort of a fucking monster openly admits to anyone, including people she's just met that she prefers one grandchild over the others.
Feel like phoning her and giving her both barrels or changing all my numbers and contact details and sending her a letter to tell her she can have all the favourites she wants and I hope they fucking choke her make her very happy.
Sorry for the ramble but am in angry tears over this - and they are well overdue!