Moody AGAIN

[Dearjackie]

It's me again a few weeks down the line from a previous thread I started and a similar thing has happened. I know most of you said " get rid" and I suppose you were right so why is it so ridiculously hard. I feel like I'm on a treadmill I can't get off but the same old stuff keeps going around.

This time all was ok over the weekend with him staying at mine until I started feeling very tired and not well last evening, I have two long term health conditions which fluctuate and sometimes I feel totally wiped out. So I went to bed early hence no sex( sometimes I feel like a sex provider) then I had to get up early to take car to be fixed whilst he slept in till 11. Not once did he ask how I was or make me a drink.

He's been in what I would call a sulk and barely speaking all day. I feel like I'm being treated with contempt, one or two word answers to everything but I bloody know if I were to hop into bed it would all be hunky Dorey afterwards. Where is the care, consideration and love. He knows I'm ill and am having nothing but trouble with my car which the garage is keeping for the second time overnight. He's just sloped off to bed again ( he is working tonight) but I know he wouldn't be doing this if he wasn't in a mood. I'm scared to have it out with him because I know it will cause a god awful row. How weak am I. I just don't know how he's managed to control me like this.

Dearjackie - my ex partner did this too. He would be monosyllabic/angry for days and totally withdraw all physical contact. He would stop kissing me, cuddling etc and also gave the least amount of eye contact that is humanly possible!! When I asked what the matter was/was he annoyed with me, he would simply say that he was just tired etc. A day later (or however long it took, once it was three months....) he would give me a hug and say something along the lines of 'Come on, don't carry on sulking, hey?' I used to almost beg him to admit that he was the one who had been annoyed with me. Eventually I just gave up trying to work out his bloody mind games and read Lundy Bancroft. It all became clear then. Get out while you can x

Yeah Lundy Bancroft will spell it out to you. Why waste so much energy trying to understand the selfish twat?!! You can bet he's not wasting any on you!

I have just ordered the Lundy Bancroft book

SIPOFWINE he does the minimal eye contact thing too. We had a BBQ the other day and sat in the garden and he had his chair slightly turned away from me and looked in the opposite direction as though he was looking into next doors house ( he wasn't) he was just being ignorant to me. I gave up trying to talk to him.

If I ask him what's wrong he says "nothing"

It's rather pathetic isn't it? No wonder you don't want to sleep with him, he's a baby!

What I would do is use this week apart to pretend you've broken up, no contact & see how you feel. Do all the things you would do without wasting time thinking about him. I bet it would be like a cloud lifted!

My ex was like this bloody abusive cunt. the sense of relief when i dumped him was incredible. I am now with someone the complete opposite who is kind, caring and never tries to guilt me into anything and doesnt sulk. good men are out there and my ex ad your partner arent it! I was waiting for ex to dump me till i realised he never would.

so i ended it by phone, had some email discussions etc but dont get drawn into trying to persuade him its his fault you broke up as he will probably never accept he did anything wrong.

Sorry. My post was a bit harsh.

My Ex was exactly the same and I felt so on your behalf. However, I stand by my opinion.

Great you have ordered the book.

Re ending it, when you do, know that you don't have to argue with him. You don't need to listen to him, you don't need to explain yourself or your decision. You don't need to sit there while he tries to win you around, explain himself etc. You've done all of this already throughout the relationship (whats wrong? etc), you've tried to talk again and again and he's not interested.

You CAN actually just say the relationship is over. Without further explanation, pleading, defending or arguing. Simple.

The first step to getting anywhere, is deciding you're no longer willing to stay where you are!

It's hard - I know it is - but you need to pack his stuff up while he is away and end this nightmare once and for all.

Good luck - there is a lovely calm life just waiting for you out there.

That's what I really dread all the drama and hassle and nastiness that would ensue if I ended it, and I know it would, he wouldn't take it lying down. I think I also still care for him because he's not all bad I'm just tired of his manipulation.

The worst thing is I can't discuss it with him because I really don't think he would see it at all and it would turn into an argument,

You can't waste your life with him because you don't want the drama! A few days of him being a twat or your whole life of feeling like this?!?!

He doesn't live with you? Does he have keys? If so get the keys back. You can dump him by text or email or phone - if you dread him kicking off dump him from a distance. Then you don't have to listen to any of his verbal.

I know it sounds crazy but I don't want to hurt/ upset him. I still have feelings for him. I'm a mess in my head he behaved like that at the weekend and since he left he's acted like nothing happened. He has a way of making me feel sorry for him

Oh dear God. I realise it is you. This is getting ridiculous now.

This man is not the one for you. Get rid.

Only give what you get back. ie give respect if you get it. Give love if you get it.

This relationship is not a good one.

Well it's up to you then! Go on like this forever if you like. Or finish with him!

He'll live. He really will.

I know I know, I need to think of myself in this. I've been told as a child that I'm selfish ect and yes I know I'm an adult now and can reason that isn't true, it still affects the way I think and behave

He knows your upset and he's doing what? Is he listening to you? Explaining? Showing you there's nothing to worry about? Reassuring you? Being there for you? Helping you? Being open and honest with you? Doing any of the above might make it possible to work through this together.

He's not doing any of it though is he?

No he's just thinking about himself.

Jackie - I could have typed your post below. Well up until recently I could have. Thankfully I'm moving on from that place now.

He doesn't know I'm upset this time. I reacted by distancing myself from him inside. There was almost a barrier up when he was behaving that way this time.

I know from previous experience what would have happened if I had called him on the behaviour. He would deny, accuse me of that same behaviour, say I had done something to cause it all resulting in a big row. Then bizarrely sometime later he would admit some of it, explain, talk and probably try to apportion at least a bit of blame on me.

It seems he has to go through these steps before issues are resolved. Trouble is his personality means the behaviour rears its head again in a while

Then you need to stop the cycle & get out. I know the book will help alot. Ever wondered why women who won't take this kind of crap from men seem to have lovely men flocking round them? We attract these men because we somehow show we are vulnerable, have low self esteem & that we will put up with it. So they target us. He will never change but you can!

I am looking forward to the book arriving, it was ordered last night