How long have you gone without bumping unglies...

[ChloeR32]

Hi there,
Another poster has got me thinking. My H and I have been married for just over 15yrs. I'm 42 he is 51. he works away a lot - in the next few weeks he is away in Japan, Norway and then Ireland - spending a total of 3days at home. It has always been this way and I knew it would be so that's not the problem. When he is home we try to make it special time as a family but then also a night when we go out to catch up.
thing is, we haven't had any form of a physical relationship for almost 18months (I was going to lie and say 6 months). It stopped overnight. We had a very healthy very vigorous sex life which vanished overnight. I have broached the subject and told him he can talk to me, that maybe its nothing to be too worried about. He just refuses (or is too embarrassed to talk).
I remember the last night we had sex - 16/12/11. I also remember that he just suddenly stopped and wouldn't say why. I'm suspecting that something happened to his Happy Chap (this is NOT how we refer to it - just what I've called it ;) ) so I think that this might have had some sort of effect on him. I know that he is in full working order because he gets the normal early morning watch that men get.
He also said (a long time ago) that he just wasn't interested anymore.
I don't buy this.
Maybe work pressure (he is quite senior in a very large mulit-national and people his age are often ;phased out' so he is working more and more)
I don't know! What do I do? I'm finidng that small things that have never bothered me in the past are making me frustrated and I'm getting really irritated with him.
What the heck do i do - he just won't discuss it and in the past if anyone had posted this I would advise that they try to talk about it calmly - been there tried that (lots of times) it just doesn't work and I'm really peed off.
Anyone have a clue what to do/or has similar happened to you.
I know that anger can be a cause for it - don't think that's it though.

Thanks in advance
C x

He refuses to discuss it?

You poor thing

Do you think he is getting his kicks elsewhere?

What is your relationship like? Is he distant? Does he spend a lot of time on his laptop/phone?

Has communication always been poor between you both? Is is usually open and honest about his feelings?

Could he be a bit depressed?

Reasons for him not talking about it:

1. Despite your attempts to be open an understanding, he doesn't trust you to react in a constructive way i.e. he doesn't trust you.

2. He has something to hide.

3. He doesn't feel it's worth discussing despite you repeatedly trying to talk about it.

None of these are great. Ultimatum, I'd say. Though you don't sound like you're at that point yet ... I bloody would be after 18 months.

Is the relationship still 'intimate' in other ways (I mean in terms of talking, feeling like a partnership etc)?

I am probably one of the few people on MN who think that lack of sex life isn't necessarily the end of a relationship. It hasn't been for me (and my dry spell is longer than yours!) BUT, I have particular circumstances, we understand the issue (years of sex to make babies, years of losses and a struggle to find our way back to sex without trying for a child), we have discussed it and we agree that it needs to be addressed and that it will be a priority in the future, but not so much now. Our relationship still feels intimate though (lots of cuddles and physical contact and emotional intimacy)

So your situation would upset me because its an unexpected dramatic change, without any discussion before or after. That would signal an end of 'intimacy' in the relationship for me, which would be a problem.

Can you discuss it in those terms - that you feel that things are difficult and the relationship has changed (rather than talking about sex?)