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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dont know what to think..

7 replies

magic5 · 01/07/2013 11:55

Hi, ive been seeing this man on/off for 12 years not living together etc..we had twins (i have other children and separated with my husband over this man, as i cant cheat on someone i need to be honest) the man i found out last year had a gf he been living with over a number of years but hadnt told me until then but wanted us to carry on It was a struggle to get decent maintance out of him,only when he felt like it.He would just say thats all i got..he owns his own transport firm I didnt mind if it was geneuine as it wasnt really about money for me.I ended last year when i found out about the gf went to csa to sort money as his adult son said he has plenty of money his lying .The gf has left him and changed her number. I told him if he had really loved and respected he would never off lied or cheated behind her back and that he should face up to what his done and not blame it all on me.He wont own up to his family, parents and five brothers and adult son the twins are his..He had being seeing the twins every month every year of their lives until i stopped it last year as it was a short time in a car park which wasnt fair and not proper time with them. he ignored the csa for a dna but does pay both myself and csa now ...He knows why i went to the csa ive told him that clearlyWe did get back together few months back and we seemed to be sorting things and getting on then two weeks ago he said i was messing his head up and its all a mess and it torturing him. I replied i was honest how i felt about him before we got back together and if he hadnt felt the same way then we shouldnt get back together.That its torture all this for me. He told me he never wanted to have contact with me again and never wants the twins looking for him,publicaly humilated me in a park where everyone could see and hear..I didnt get emotional or shout in fact i told him to stop shouting as i didnt want the world to know our private matters. He called me evil eh i dont think so..Then texted him late that night as i was so angry with what i wanted to say..Then four days later he texts me and has done ever since.I love this man,wish i didnt ive been devasted with it all..he wont answer my questions that keep going round in my head..He can be loving and caring,only three weeks ago he told me he loved me..The first time ive ever heard him say that to me. but he now blames me for everything and says in his head dispite any dna test the twins are not his..he treats his older adult son with denying the twins are his and threatens if he sees them..He texts me everyday some nice can we work out on his terms then blaming me and let csa sort it out. Im not sleeping with all the stress..Do i tell his parents and show the csa paperwork or leave it and let him carry on lying but the twins may miss out on family grandparents,uncles,cousins,brother,neice as i havent any on my side.. I have asked him over and over can we sort this out properly..to meet me and be civil to each other as dont like all the nastiness..He says i dont understand what ive done to him and said?? I told him to tell me but he just goes silent..My head is all over the place with it all. I feel so heartbroken.

OP posts:
onetiredmummy · 01/07/2013 12:11

Perhaps you & the twins would have a calmer life without him OP.

Don't get sucked into the nice times, when you think about it all do you really want him to be a part of your life?

antimatter · 01/07/2013 12:11

you are messing with his head because he stopped having control over you

why didn't you want your children to have contact with his family before?

what's changed?

LEMisdisappointed · 01/07/2013 12:19

Do you and your children a favour and cut all contact with this man, block his telephone number, dont respond to him at all. The only contact he needs to make is via the CSA to pay maintenance for his children.

Then you need to start working on your self esteem - you are worth so much more than the few scraps he throws at you, then when he feels guilty he makes you think its your fault. He sounds vile and stupid and i wodlnt want anything to do with him.

magic5 · 01/07/2013 12:21

Ive always wanted the twins to have contact with his family,he just kept saying he would tell them..Its horrible when the twins say their friends are going to their grandparents and they ask mine are they? it upsets them.Their older brother (his 22 with his own baby) has meet them but said he doesnt want to lose his dad..They ask when they are going to see their dad and older brother i just cant answer.

OP posts:
AndTheBandPlayedOn · 01/07/2013 12:28

He doesn't want responsibility, imho.
He is a cheat who doesn't love or respect women. Saying "I love you" was a desperate attempt to keep the blinders (back) on you...as antimatter said...it is a control dynamic. He is not happy Hmm ...he wants to blame you instead of taking culpability for his own actions.

antimatter · 01/07/2013 12:46

how old are your twins?

magic5 · 01/07/2013 13:25

They are eleven.. I do hear what you are saying, ive never let anyone treat me has he has done..

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