Apologies in advance, this got a bit long.
So, backstory, DH and I have been married for almost 6 years and together for 12. We have 1 DS (10m). We now live and work in the same town the DH was brought up in (about 30 miles from my family) and have regular contact with his family, and get on well with all of them.
DM has been? less than reasonable since the birth of DS. She has been told repeatedly by DF to back off, give us space, that he is not her son, etc, etc. This almost always provokes tears. She has told me on multiple occasions how ?hurt? and ?devastated? she is that DS is now spending 3 days a week with DFiL (DFiL does not work and DMiL works part-time ? my parents both work full/almost full time). She has been in tears that DS is not going to have a relationship with her and DF (this is obviously nonsense and he knows and loves them both). She completely misunderstood a text message and had a near-breakdown as DSis?s desk (they work in the same office) because she though DS was staying overnight with PiL when he hasn?t yet stayed overnight with her. She (and I) both have Fridays off and always spend them together doing something with DS. She started taking Fridays off because I had mild PND and was not coping well with 5 days with DS alone. Fridays are not the only day that DS and I have alone, and we spend them all with her. I don?t grudge this at all, but she doesn?t seem to have thought about that.
Last week we had a giant battle over DSiL, who DM does not like at all. This is not the first fight we have had over her, mostly when DM has taken something that she?s done (that I?ve mentioned in passing) completely the wrong way. She ended up (again) in floods of tears, to that point that I was ready to phone DF at work to calm her down. I had asked how exactly I was supposed to have them all at e.g. DS?s birthday party in a few months, when I?d be on edge all day waiting on DSiL saying something, DM taking it the wrong way, and all hell breaking loose. She said I was always making her out to be the bad one and burst into tears again?
I discussed this at length with DSis, who claims that DM feels that no one needs her anymore and that she?s just useless. I pointed out that a year or so ago, she was complaining because everyone brought their problems to her and she was tired of it, and she complained so vehemently that I struggled with PND for months before finally telling DF about it, from where it got back to DM. Now we have the opposite problem.
We also had an argument over me having to ?ask permission from? DH (her words) before she could take DS to her cousin?s birthday party yesterday. I wasn?t asking permission, I was checking that DH didn?t have any plans in mind as, now that we are both working 4 days, we only get 2 days a week together as a family. As it happened DH was not at all happy about it, but as she?d nagged so much I?d already said yes to her anyway. He was understanding, but he?s not happy about the whole situation ? particularly as I so often come home upset after having upset DM.
Any thoughts on where I go from here? I?ve spent 10 months trying to make sure the entire family sees as much of DS as I can, but I just feel like it?s never enough, particularly for DM. And I can?t talk to her about anything without her bursting into tears.