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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Need help please about DS/skype/internet

27 replies

catkin14 · 30/06/2013 20:08

I have also put this in parenting but need some quick thoughts!
I need some advice for this one please, this is new ground for me.

I have a 14yr old DS, he will be 15 in november. He is tall and goodlooking, outgoing etc.
My Exh and I split in march after a long marriage, and although my DS on the whole seems ok (despite Exh being a total idiot).
LAst week he got talking to a girl on skype via Minecraft. Originally she said she was 19, but then changed to 16. She is in USA.
Over a few days he became a very different DS, on his ipod all the time messaging, very secretive and snappy.
I was worried so, and this is shameful but I felt I had to given his age, looked at his skype messages between this girl and him.
I was shocked to say the least, she asked him if he was circumcised and that if he wasnt she wouldnt 'put it in her mouth or her hand but would still fuck him'.
I talked to him about this, without saying I had read his skype messages because i was very concerned that this was someone actually a lot older than she said.
I felt the chat we had went well and that he understood the dangers of talking to people you really dont know.
He is now talking to this girl on skype again, I wouldnt have a problem with this if I hadnt read some of the things she had said.
I have asked him if his girlfriend knows about this other girl and he says she does.
I am alone due to marriage break up, although EXH would have been totally useless) and I dont know what to do.
I dont want to have to ban him from skype, but I think he is very flattered by the attention, she is a very attractive girl by the look of her picture.
What do i do?? I also know that saying no to a teenager is like red rag to a bull..!
Help!

OP posts:
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 30/06/2013 20:10

Can you turn the broadband off?

Original poster
catkin14 · 30/06/2013 20:20

I can at night but if i do that in daytime it means I cant use internet either : (

OP posts:
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 30/06/2013 20:51

just put it on when you want to use it Grin

34DD · 30/06/2013 20:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cozietoesie · 30/06/2013 20:58

I would be tempted to contact CEOP about it - they're very good and very sensible. They also know what they're dealing with.

\link{http://www.ceop.police.uk/safety-centre/\Here's} the link for their safety centre.

Original poster
catkin14 · 30/06/2013 21:03

Thanks, no link tho?

Im not sure if not letting him use internet is the answer, he will just go to a friends and use theirs? : /

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 30/06/2013 21:18

The link is the word 'Here's', Catkin . Hover your cursor over it and you'll see. (It's in a slightly different colour which is how you tell links on the board.)

Original poster
catkin14 · 30/06/2013 21:26

Ah yes sorry! I can see that now, light not very good here! : )

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 30/06/2013 21:29

If he has a girlfriend already, he's behaving in a very disrespectful way to her.

Just realised he's 14 - I would contact CEOP.

Changeasgoodas · 30/06/2013 21:34

Perhaps it would help to remind him that this is most probably not the girl in the picture, and he has no idea if this is even a female? Has he told the person his age?
www.nspcc.org.uk/help-and-advice/for-parents/keeping-your-child-safe/using-the-internet/internet-safety_wda96763.html

NatashaBee · 30/06/2013 21:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AmyFarrahFowlerCooper · 30/06/2013 21:39

Oh dear :( I second reminding him that it may not be a girl at all even if he has seen her on video. There's programmes that allow you to send footage instead of your webcam (if that makes sense) so a man could send footage of a girl so your ds thinks he is talking live with her when its actually a man. Me and my friends did this once to each other using footage of celebrity webcam chats and made a game of timing our typed messages to the movements on the video (yes we were geeks!) and its surprisingly easy to do.

cozietoesie · 30/06/2013 21:40

CEOP would check all that sort of thing out.

MadBusLady · 30/06/2013 21:42

Agree, very possibly fake. The age changing thing sounds suss, like "she" found out he was 14 and revised it downwards to be more appealing.

Original poster
catkin14 · 30/06/2013 21:54

thanks all. This is so worrying, as if i didnt have enough with divorce and everything!
They both have webcams, is it possible to manipulate pictures from those?

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 30/06/2013 21:58

catkin

All sorts of things are possible. I'd contact CEOP and discuss it with them. (And their support will be reassuring to you.) I'm afraid that your lad might well be being groomed.

Original poster
catkin14 · 30/06/2013 21:59

The other part to it all is that I want him to still be able to talk to me, our relationship is usually ok and his father is not nor ever has been there for him so its so important that he knows he has one parent he can rely on!

I feel caught, but my gut feeling is this is wrong!

OP posts:
Original poster
catkin14 · 30/06/2013 22:00

i will contact CEOP in the morning, thank you

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 30/06/2013 22:05

catkin

Nothing about this is your fault - and as well, you've picked up on it real fast. There are plenty of socially unsophisticated youngsters with devoted parents both of whom are highly present in their lives who fall prey to predators out there.

I'm not saying this is absolutely going to be the case - but check it out carefully. There are a lot of red flags in your OP.

Good luck to you all.

Changeasgoodas · 30/06/2013 22:31

I would ban webcaming unless in the room with you. Remove the possibility that he might be talked into doing sexual things via the cam. Any webcam chat can be recorded and last for eternity.

ImperialBlether · 30/06/2013 22:39

But if he's webcamming, surely he'd know whether it was a girl of (roughly) that age?

AmyFarrahFowlerCooper · 01/07/2013 08:53

Imperial, you can send fake footage. A man can sit there and use a computer programme to send webcam footage he has of a real girl so the person at the other end thinks that footage is real.

AmyFarrahFowlerCooper · 01/07/2013 08:53

By real I mean live and happening then and there.

Original poster
catkin14 · 01/07/2013 11:03

So he would be looking at what he thinks is a girl in front of him on the webcam, but in actual fact it is someone totally different?
And I can hear her talk to him on skype, she sounds like a she, but shes saying stuff that makes him more 'manly' like Im so nervous when i talk to you, but she sort of doing a girly giggle. He leaves Skype open all the time so i can see messages, but if shes online can she tell im looking at their conversations?

OP posts:
AmyFarrahFowlerCooper · 01/07/2013 11:18

Yes, they can get a webcam video off youtube or from other grooming they have done and send that through. If she is talking to him through Skype and the voice matches her mouth, then its less likely that its someone doing that though. Its more likely that they would be "too shy" to speak on the camera and would do the voice bit seperately if that makes sense? Because they wouldn't be able to match a conversation that is spoken rather than typed as easily to the video. When they speak, is she on the camera too when you hear her? Or off the camera when the voice bit is on?